社交必须注意的八大忌讳：看手机排首位

西方有句古语称：通往地狱的路铺满了好意。意思是说我们经常会在不知不觉间做出伤害别人的事。这种情况对于任何人都在所难免，但只要你多加留心，还是有办法避过这些“雷区”的。比如要想在社交场合与人建立起牢固的友谊，就一定要小心以下的这几个“坑”。

1、谈话过程中看手机

德勤公司最近的一项研究揭示，全体美国人平均每天要查看80亿次手机，也就是说，你每天平均会查看你的手机46次。然而在有些场合下，你的手机还是静静地待在你的口袋里比较好——尤其是当你与其他人在一起的时候。不管这里的“其他人”是一名贵宾还是一名服务员，他们的本尊就在你对面，怎么都比一个看都看不见的人更值得你尊重。当然，如果是紧急事件就另当别论了。不过大多数时候，事情一般都没紧急到那个地步。如果你真觉得这个电话非接不可，那就请到走廊或休息室去接。记住：当你该说话的时候，不要发短信。

2、打断别人，以及从不询问其他人的情况

如果你想给对方留下一个好印象，你很可能会难以抑制地想多谈谈自己的事儿，不过你最好忍住这种冲动。一段对话不能只是你一个人在喋喋不休。如果你觉得你的某些话已经影响了谈话的气氛，就要暂退一步，问问自己为什么会发生这种情况。你要专心致志地听别人在说什么，让他们也有机会讲话。男同志们尤其要管好自己的舌头。“语言日志”博客曾经指出，男人打断别人说话的机率是女人的三倍。你只要有一点自制力，很快大家都会称赞你是个会说话的人。

3、不看别人的眼睛

与别人见面或说话时，保持眼神接触是很重要的，它表明你愿意与对方交流，并且对对方的话感兴趣。当然，什么东西都是过犹不及。《每日科学》上发表的一篇研究表明，眼神接触可能会使人对对方的劝说产生抗拒。而且我们大概都有过这样的经历：如果一个人的眼睛直勾勾地盯着你太久，你就会感到紧张。由于过长的、持续的眼神接触会使对方不适，所以你要把握好尺度。既要用眼神表明你的兴趣，但又不要显得自己对对方过于有兴趣，像个连环杀手一样。

4、短信以句号结尾

这一条听起来是不是有点奇怪？不知道你是否听说过“数字礼仪”一说，一个小小的句号也是有大学问的，它甚至有可能改变整条短信的氛围。能写出语法工整的句子固然不错，但是如果短信以句号结尾，就会显得你与对方很冷淡。比如“我很好。”“知道了谢谢。”宾汉姆顿大学的西莉亚·克林领导的一支研究团队发现，如果一个人发来的短信是以句号结尾的，被试者就会觉得它不如没有标点符号的短信那么真诚。所以你对这一点也要注意。

5、用错肢体语言

《科学》杂志的一篇报导表明，肢体语言比面部表情更能说明一个人的情绪。下次你可以留心一下，看看你的肢体语言都告诉了对方什么：你与对方是否只保持了一臂的距离？你是抱着胳膊还是背着手？你是不是与对方的身体接触太多了，导致对方感觉不舒服？就像开车时要不时查看后视镜一样，你也要不时查看一下自己和别人的肢体语言。

6、忘了对方的名字

戴尔·卡耐基在他的经典著作《如何赢得朋友和影响他人》一书中写道：“在任何一个人听来，他的名字都是世界上最好听的声音。”这话说得不能再对了。想不起来别人的名字，未必会令对方立时翻脸不认人，但这至少说明你对对方缺乏兴趣。要想和一个人建立友谊，一个非常快的方法就是花点时间了解一下他是谁，他的名字怎么写、怎么念。这样一来就会迅速使你们建立起友谊和亲切感，因为它说明了你至少花了些时间在心里想着他们。

7、对餐厅服务员态度恶劣

如果你从来没听过“服务员法则”，现在就来学习学习吧。普利策奖得主、专栏作家戴夫·巴里曾这样解读过威廉·H·斯旺森的“33条约定俗成的管理法则”：“如果某人对你态度很好，但对服务员很粗鲁，那他就不是一个好人。”记住，即使某个人没有与你说话，你对他的态度，也和你与正在说话的那个人的态度一样重要。

8、给别人看照片，但照片里除了你没有别人

还是算了吧。除非你的狗超级萌，否则没人在乎。（财富中文网）

译者：朴成奎

There’s a reason they say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Through sheer unawareness, we can put others off. It can happen to anyone, but it doesn’t have to happen to you. Follow these tips, and your good intentions will pave a road over any social pitfall and give your new relationships better ground to stand on.

1. Checking your phone mid-conversation

A recent study from Deloitte revealed that Americans collectively check their phones eight billion times a day. That means, on average, you look at your phone 46 times per day. And there’s a good chance that at least a few of those times, you should’ve kept it in your pocket—especially when you’re with others. Whether they’re a VIP or your waiter, the person in front of you deserves your attention much more than someone you can’t see. There will always be an exception for emergencies, of course, but chances are that the alert you just got can wait. If you really think it needs your attention, step away to the hallway or a restroom. Remember: don’t text when you should be talking.

2. Interrupting and never asking about other people

When you’re trying to impress, the impulse to talk about yourself can be tempting, but try to resist. You don’t want to dominate the conversation. And if you find that your words have cast a cloud over the discussion, take a step back and ask yourself why that might be. Pay attention, react to what others are saying, and let them have their chance to speak. Men, especially, listen up. A recent study posted at Language Log showed that men are almost three times as likely to interrupt as women. With just a little self-control, soon everyone will be talking about what a great conversationalist you are.

3. You’re not looking people in the eye.

It’s important to maintain eye contact when meeting someone and addressing them. It shows you want to be engaged and are interested in what they have to say. And yet, there can be too much of a good thing. A Science Daily study revealed that eye contact may make people resistant to persuasion and we’ve all experienced the nervousness that comes from another person holding eye contact for just a moment too long. Extended, continuous eye contact can make others nervous, so mix it up. Show just enough to demonstrate your interest, but back off regularly to avoid looking like a serial killer.

4. Ending texts with periods

Weird, right? Well, there is such a thing as digital etiquette, and a little of it goes a long way. In the same way that WRITING LIKE THIS MAKES IT SOUND LIKE I’M YELLING AT YOU, a period can change the entire vibe of what you’re saying. Keeping your sentences grammatically correct is always good, but ending a short text with a period implies you’re being short with the person. Some examples are “I’m fine.” or “got it thank you.” Researchers lead by Binghamton University’s Celia Klin found that when that when a reply is followed by a period, subjects found the response to be less sincere than when no punctuation was used. Just be aware.

5. Be wary of body language

A report at Science Mag revealed that body language, not facial expression, reveals more of how someone is feeling. Take stock of what your body tells others: are you staying at arm’s length? Are your arms crossed and pulled away, or, on the opposite side of the spectrum, are you using too much touching, making the person uncomfortable? Like checking your rear view mirror every now and then whilst driving, consider how you’re holding yourself, and how others hold themselves around you.

6. Forgetting name

“A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language,” writes Dale Carnegie in his classic book “How to Win Friends and Influence People“, and those words couldn’t be truer. Not remembering someone’s name may not be a deal breaker, but it shows a lack of interest in that person. Taking the time to know who they are, and even how to spell and pronounce it correctly, is a very quick way to get someone on your side and keep them there. It builds familiarity and camaraderie because it’s an easy way to demonstrate that you took the time to think about them.

7. You’re a jerk to restaurant servers

If you’ve never heard of the “Waiter Rule,” it’s time you learned it. As Pulitzer Prize winning columnist Dave Barry paraphrased William H Swanson’s “33 Unwritten Rules of Management”: “If someone is nice to you but rude to the waiter, they are not a nice person.” Remember that how you treat the person you’re not addressing is as important as who you are addressing.

8. Showing photos that don’t include others

Come on. Unless that dog is super cute, no one cares