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生活 - 专栏

我们为什么很难实现工作和生活的平衡?

Dushka Zapata 2017年03月07日

我们总是把责任归咎于环境,而不是反省自己

 

杜什卡•萨帕塔在Quora网站上对这一问题的回答。

我以前一直沉溺于工作之中。

坚定地以为这是因为工作对我的要求太高,但在我调岗,换工作,最终成为能自己做主的自由职业者之后,我发现我还是在为工作忙个不停。

后来我终于明白,问题出在我自己身上。因为我总是忍不住让自己埋头工作,至于我的工作内容是什么,并无关系。

我们之所以很难实现工作和生活的平衡,原因之一是我们总是把责任归咎于所处的环境,而不是反省自己。实际上,“我”才是问题的根源。

我喜欢让客户高兴。“杜什卡,你做得太好了。”“杜什卡,如果没有你,我们可怎么活呀。”这是一种本能。小时候就是如此,我会努力让我爱的人为我感到自豪。真是好孩子。

导致我无法平衡工作和生活的障碍在于,他人的认可往往比我自称想要得到的平衡更加重要。

我有自己的抱负,想做大事,每个项目刚刚完成,我又会迫不及待地想要开始下一个。我想努力工作,想不断鞭策自己,考验自己。我想要学习。

有时候,工作和生活的平衡之所以难以实现,是因为我嘴上说的,和我真正想要的,是不同的东西。我给所有人,包括我自己,发出了不一致的信号。

我根本不知道自己想要什么。我的想法总是相互矛盾。我想要一切。

我的生活在不断变化。如果有朋友从城外来看我,我会希望少工作一会儿,如果我恰好受到了特别的启发,我会想多工作一会儿,如果有家人需要我,我又希望把工作完全抛在脑后。

我们之所以很难平衡工作和生活,是因为我对它没有一个确切的定义。生活状态不同,我对它的理解也会不同。

那么,到底什么才是工作和生活的平衡呢?是指每天5点钟准时到家?还是连续几周努力工作,然后在周末好好给自己放个假?我想要每天的平衡,还是在几周甚至几个月意义上的平衡?

有时候,我们之所以很难实现工作和生活的平衡,是因为我们所从事的工作并不能满足我实现工作和生活平衡的愿望。

如果你认为做好某件事的唯一方法就是亲自上场,你可能很难实现工作和生活的平衡。这意味着你不会放权,也不能规模化扩张。自负令你难获自由,同时也阻碍下属的成长。

如果你总是担心别人比你做得更好,可能也很难实现工作和生活的平衡。你会一直生活在猜疑和妄想中,无法解脱。这时操纵你的是恐惧,而不是你理想的生活方式。

如果你更看重表面功夫,而不是真正把工作做好,可能很难实现工作和生活的平衡。想让所有人看到你是最后一个下班,或者第二天早上第一个上班?那其他人对你的看法,远比你对按时回家吃饭的渴望来得重要。

我的老板向我信誓旦旦地保证,员工是第一位的,人才是最重要的,但我从未听到他对我说,因为前一天晚上工作到太晚,今天午饭过后就可以回家了。

等一下。为什么要把工作和生活的平衡问题附加给被看作公司,尤其是当我已经知道是自己的需求在不断变化?我怎么能指望别人来解决这个问题?唯一应该对我负责的人只有我自己。

工作和生活的平衡之所以很难实现,是因为相对于自己去解决问题,指责别人往往更容易,让人更舒服。

这个问题最初发表于Quora.com: 我们为什么很难实现工作和生活的平衡?(财富中文网)

译者:刘进龙/汪皓

Answer by Dushka Zapata on Quora.

I was drowning in work.

I was convinced this was because my job was demanding but as I shuffled my responsibilities around, switched jobs and ultimately became a freelancer so I could call my own shots I was still drowning, drowning in work.

It finally caught up to me that it’s me. I have a tendency to drown myself in work and the problem is not the job I’m in.

One of the reasons why work-life balance is hard is because we attribute the problem to our environment when it’s us. I am the problem.

I adore making my clients happy. “Dushka, your work was incredible.” “Dushka, we would not have survived without you.” This is primal. Me, a kid, making someone I love proud. Good girl.

What can get in the way of work-life balance is that approval often matters more than the balance I claim I want.

I am ambitious and want to do great things and as soon as a project is done I’m hungry for the next one. I want hard work. I want to push myself, test myself. I want to learn.

Sometimes work-life balance is hard because there is a discrepancy between what I say I want and what I really, truly want. I’m sending everyone mixed signals, including myself.

I don’t know what I want. I want conflicting things. I want everything.

My life is constantly changing. If a friend is visiting from out of town I want to work less, if I happen to be particularly inspired I want to work more, if a family member needs me I don’t want to have to worry about work at all.

Work-life balance is hard because my definition of it is a moving target. It means different things to me depending on where my life is at.

What is work-life balance, anyway? Does it mean I get to go home every day when the clock strikes 5:00? Does it mean that I work hard for a few weeks and then take a long weekend off? Do I want daily balance, or do I want things to balance out over the course of a few weeks, even months?

Sometimes work life balance is hard because my demands on it are a poor fit in relation to the job that I am in.

Work-life balance can be hard if you believe that the only way to do something well is to do it yourself. This means you can never delegate, and as such you are not scalable. Your ego gets in the way of you being free, and it gets in the way of the growth of everyone who works for you.

Work-life balance can be hard if you are worried someone else can do your job better than you. Then you live in a constant state of suspicion and paranoia and never allow yourself to step away. Your fear is calling the shots, not your lifestyle ambitions.

Work-life balance can be hard if you are more worried about looking good than doing good work. If you want to make sure everyone sees you are the last one to leave, if you want to make sure everyone is a witness to you being the first person in the next morning, what others think of you has more weight than your aspirations of getting home in time for dinner.

My boss assures me that employees come first, that people are the most important thing, yet I don’t see him telling me it’s time to go home after lunch because I worked really late the night before.

Wait a minute. Why should my work life balance be the company’s problem, in particular if I’ve already identified that my needs are ever-changing? How can I expect someone else to stay on top of that? The only person responsible for me is me.

Work life balance can be hard because blame is easier and much more comfortable than accountability.

This question originally appeared on Quora.com: Why is it tough to get work-life balance?

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