怎么和孩子谈钱？

    我的三个孩子现在还不太明白钱是怎么回事，这也很正常。三个孩子中最大的也才刚刚4岁。

    两个大的孩子都有自己的小储钱罐，用来存放亲戚们给的零钱。最近，他们跟着奶奶去了趟沃尔玛（Wal-Mart）超市的玩具区，因为情人节时奶奶给了他们每人5美元，他们想看看把钱合起来能买些什么玩具。因此，在不久的将来，我和孩子的爸爸就有必要开始和他们谈谈钱了，而且我们必须讲明白。

    对于这样的谈话，我谈不上有什么期待。虽然这些年来，我一直在写和钱有关的文章，但这个问题依然让我踌躇。起初我的想法是，要让孩子们“知道每1美元的价值”——珍惜金钱，就像他们的爸爸和我一样。谁知道未来十年美国经济还会遭遇什么样的风暴呢？我应当教会他们，有点钱就存起来，以备不时之需。

    但在这个问题上我想得越多，就越发意识到（以我们目前的状况）要教会他们节俭是不可能的，而且我也不太确定是否应该将我所有的金钱观原原本本地教给他们。现在经济前景充满着不确定性，我希望孩子们在思考金钱时能秉着富足的态度，但也要有一份危机感——钱再多，也是不够的。我想教他们要聪明地用钱，不要浪费，也不要吝啬，但这些分寸把握之微妙，很难和孩子们讲清楚并让他们付诸实践。

    当我开始研究孩子和钱这个话题时，我以为关于零花钱、理财教育等肯定已有很多的研究。毕竟育儿又不是什么新鲜事。但有经验的父母们可能已经发现，专家们宣扬的种种理论莫衷一是，其中很多甚至根本就没有研究作为基础。

    从同行评审期刊刊登的文章来看，以做家务活为条件给零花钱看来是效果最好的做法，但根本不给零花钱的方法也很普遍。

    尽管众说纷纭，但所有专家都谈到了将父辈的金钱观传授给子女的重要性。

    这正是我感到困难的地方。我的金钱观是什么呢？

    “知道每1美元的价值”，我的这种观念来自于我的家庭，我的家人经常用优惠券购物。我的父母后来生活得不错，但成长过程中如果我想要什么东西，我总要等到圣诞节或生日。没人把我送到非洲做志愿者，所以我的大学论文也不是这类选题；我的大学论文都是在意大利餐馆Fazoli's打工期间利用15分钟的“吸烟休息”时间在停车场上写出来的。站一整天换取每小时不到5美元的报酬，会让你对赚每一元钱可能要付出的努力都心怀必要的敬意。

    十五年一晃而过。值得庆幸的是我已远离了整日抹蒜香黄油的日子。我觉得很幸运，如今我能给孩子们提供较好的生活。但谈到孩子和钱，自我感觉良好只会把事情搞得一团糟。

    前不久的一个周六，我和最大的孩子一起去逛巴诺书店（Barnes & Noble）。他看到了展示区的“托马斯和朋友们”（Thomas & Friends），那是一套木质玩具火车，其中有一列是他还没有的，他想让我买。虽然标价21.99美元，我还是立刻答应了他的要求，很快买下了那个高登快速火车头（Gordon the Express Engine）。但过后，闲下来想起这件事时，我有点后悔，担心宠坏了孩子。他还不懂得1美元的价值呢！买这个火车头的钱，是当年我在Fazoli's给面包抹五个小时的黄油才能赚到的工资。

    My children haven't quite figured out money yet, which makes sense. The eldest of the three is only four years old.

    The older two have little banks that they use to stash cash from relatives, and they recently took a trip to the toy aisle of Wal-Mart (WMT) with their grandmother. They saw what they could get by pooling the fives she gave them for Valentine's Day. And so, someday soon, their father and I will need to start talking with them about money. And we need to get our story straight.

    I can't say I'm looking forward to these discussions. Even though I've spent the past few years writing about money, I still find this a fraught question. My first thought was that I want my kids to "know the value of a dollar" -- to appreciate money in the same way their father and I do. Who knows what gales our economy will face in the next decades? I should teach them to squirrel away each dollar so they can hunker away from the wind at the door.

    But the more I pondered this, the more I realized that, not only is teaching squirrel behavior impossible, I'm not sure it's desirable to pass along all my money attitudes. In an uncertain world, I'm hoping I can teach my kids to think in terms of abundance alongside the usual money worry -- that there's never enough. I want to teach them to be smart, not wasteful or tight, and all this suggests a tough line to walk with my little ones.

    When I first started looking into the topic of kids and money, I assumed that there must be lots of research on allowances, financial education, and the like. Childrearing isn't a new phenomenon. But as veteran parents have likely discovered, there are many gurus touting different theories, and many of these ideas aren't based on any research at all.

    In terms of what's been published in peer-reviewed journals, it looks like giving an allowance that's conditional on chores seems to work best, but not giving an allowance at all has a lot going for it too.

    Though the theories varied, all the gurus talk of the importance of conveying your money philosophy to your kids.

    This is where I hit a rough patch. What is my money philosophy?

    I know where my "knowing the value of a dollar" mindset came from. I was born into a coupon-clipping household. My parents eventually did quite well, but growing up, I felt there was a reason I needed to wait for Christmas and birthdays if I wanted something. No one was sending me to Africa to volunteer so I could write a college essay about it; I wrote my college essays in the parking lot of Fazoli's Italian restaurant on my 15-minute "smoke" breaks. Standing on your feet all day in exchange for sub-$5/hour paychecks will give you a healthy respect for exactly what it can take to earn a buck.

    Fast-forward 15 years. Thankfully, I have moved beyond the garlic butter ladling days. I feel incredibly lucky for the life I can give my children. But when it comes to kids and money, a certain amount of comfort can muddle everything up.

    When I was at Barnes & Noble with my eldest child one Saturday not long ago, he found a display of wooden Thomas & Friends toy trains and asked me for one that he was missing from his collection. Despite the $21.99 price tag, I complied. Then, having bought Gordon the Express Engine in haste, I repented at leisure, fretting that I was spoiling my child. He wouldn't know the value of a dollar! That train would have taken five hours of breadstick buttering at Fazoli's to earn.