网络怎样毁掉约会

    在线服务导致了完完全全宋飞正传式（Seinfeld，美国著名喜剧演员，代表作品《宋飞正传》风靡美国9年——译注）的、肤浅的吹毛求疵。

    20世纪80年代标志性的摇滚乐手佩特•班纳塔让“爱情就像战场”（love is a battlefield）这个说法家喻户晓。而移动互联网的普及则让这个说法成为了现实。

    几周前，我与一位20岁上下的创业家喝咖啡，聊到了约会这个话题。也就是在这个充斥着Facebook、Okcupid和其他五花八门数字服务的年代约会。这位英俊自信的男孩发现，网络实际上让约会变得更加困难，至少他亲身体验了一次不愉快的经历。在某次聚会上，他邀请一位可爱的女孩改天单独约会。约会前，女孩在Facebook上将他加为好友——这很常见——他也同意了。

    互加好友后，他就能看到女孩的个人信息了：她最喜欢的乐队、电影、电视剧和最近度假的照片。这看起来似乎是宝贵的武器。你对她了解得越多，就越有办法把她追到手……对吧？不过阅读她的资料几分钟之后，他打消了约会的念头。他解释道：“我们还谈什么？我觉得我已经知道了见面喝咖啡时想问她的所有问题的答案。”（他之后再没和她见过面。）

    这个案例显然无关“真爱”或者色欲。不过重点在于：就像Facebook（它曾让人们更易于保持联系，不过如今显然变成了“约炮神器”）建立起自己自我陶醉的独特品牌一样，在线和移动服务导致人们的购物习惯比以往任何时候都更加“外貌协会”。登陆Match.com，你能看到无穷无尽的头像和年龄的方格阵列。而进入同性恋移动应用Grindr，在你地理位置附近，至少一半的搜索结果显示的都是匿名图像。前一种情况中，只有点击某人的资料之后才能了解到更多信息。后一种情况下，我想文字只是用来做做样子罢了。

    更糟糕的是，在线服务导致了绝对肤浅的吹毛求疵。那个家伙的头发太稀疏了，你不喜欢？下一个。觉得这个女孩应该减肥了？下一个。不喜欢他们脸上所谓的“美人痣”？下一个，下一个，下一个！为什么？因为我们总觉得可以找到更好的。也许明天收到的OkCupid配对邮件中，就会有更性感、更聪明、更有趣的人等着我们，或者就在下一个拐角——这还多亏了Tinder这样能够搜索附近用户的应用。正因为如此，我们更可能挑挑拣拣，对我们的约会对象做出快速评判。我曾对此感到内疚吗？当然。但是我也曾被如此对待。我约会的一个对象通过短信就把我甩了。为什么呢？就因为我出去旅行了四天，期间他就在网上和别人好上了，他们刚刚展开的恋情进展得如火如荼。我的天。

    Online services enable a downright Seinfeld-ian level of superficial nitpickiness.

    It was iconic '80s rocker singer Pat Benatar who popularized the phrase "love is a battlefield." But it has been the ubiquity of the mobile Internet that realized it.

    A few weeks ago, I had coffee with a twenty-something entrepreneur. One of the topics that came up was dating in the age of Facebook (FB), OkCupid, and the myriad of other digital services floating out there. A handsome, self-assured guy, he found online actually made dating harder and, in at least one case, impossible. When he asked out a cute girl at a party, she Facebook friended him before the date -- not uncommon -- and he accepted.

    Once he did, he had access to a trove of information: her favorite bands, movies, TV shows, and recent vacation photos. This might seem like valuable ammunition. The more information one has about the other, the better ... right? But after a few minutes perusing her profile, he nuked the idea of a date. "What were we going to talk about? I felt like I already knew all the answers to the questions I would ask her during coffee," he explained. (He never met up with her.)

    His clearly wasn't a case of "true love" or even lust. But here's the point: Just as Facebook (which has made it easier for everyone to keep in touch and now, apparently, "bang") bred its own unique brand of narcissistic etiquette. Online and mobile services have given rise to a pick-and-choose shopping behavior that prioritizes looks more than ever before. Log onto Match.com, and it's a near-endless grid of faces and ages. Sign into the gay mobile app Grindr, and half the photos of guys closest to you may be shots of anonymous torsos. In the case of the former, it's only after you click on someone's profile that you learn more about them. In the case of the latter, I guess words are window dressing.

    Even worse, online services enable a downright Seinfeld-ian level of superficial nitpickiness. Don't like the fact one guy's hair is thinning? Next. Think a girl could stand to lose a few pounds? Next. Hate that so-called "beauty mark" on their cheek? Next, next, next! Why? Because we think we can do better, that someone hotter, smarter, and funnier awaits us in tomorrow's OkCupid email filled with matches, or literally around the corner thanks to apps like Tinder that surface nearby prospects. And because of that, we're more likely to shop around and make snap judgments about the people we're dating. Have I been guilty of this? Sure. But I've also been on the other side, too. One guy I dated tossed me overboard via text. The cause? He'd met someone else online while I was away on a four-day trip, and things -- as nascent as they were -- were "going well." Ouch.