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为什么女性更厌恶失败?

为什么女性更厌恶失败?

Alyssa Jaffee 2023-03-18
必须承认并接受错误,因为错误能够指明前进的道路。

7wireVentures合伙人阿莉莎·杰菲。图片来源:COURTESY OF ALYSSA JAFFEE

最近,一位同事对着全组人分享了自己犯错的经历。他毫不介意地说:“嘿,我错了。”我惊讶地发现,他对于承认自己并不会永远正确这一点很坦然。而对我来说,告诉别人自己犯错总是很困难。那一刻,我发现自己不仅佩服他的诚实,也很羡慕他。为什么包括我在内的多数人都很难接受自己的错误?这是性别问题吗?能克服吗?

我总是有种感觉:我不是唯一对此不舒服的人。数据也支持我的感觉。女性习惯于给出“正确”的答案,因为犯错可能要付出潜在的代价。女性管理者犯错时,会被认为不如男性管理者称职。研究表明,女性非常不愿意失败,如果不是100%相信自己合格就不会申请工作。

在医学界,如果遇到患者死亡,女外科医生收到转诊的机会就会下降54%,男外科医生则不会下降。与男性相比,女性财务顾问因为工作失误而遭到解雇的可能性高出20%,之后在金融业再找到工作的可能性又低30%。女性总觉得,必须加倍努力才可以避免失误。因此,女性默默咽下问题,抛开“冒名顶替综合症”(Impostor Syndrome),继续追求正确。

作为有三个孩子的职场妈妈,我一直在质疑孩子们为何小小年纪就被教育事事要正确,似乎这比从失败和错误中学习更重要。父母应该帮助孩子振作起来,应该多说“尽最大努力就好!”或者“继续努力!”

到最后人们总是庆祝成功的结果——而不是奋斗的过程,或者跌倒和爬起来需要多少勇气。我看着年纪最大的孩子努力学拼写,当他终于正确地写下“dog”这个单词,而不是之前18个奇怪的G,我会为他庆祝。第二个孩子终于听到球拍和网球之间完美的“啪一声”时开怀大笑,完全忘记练习挥杆几个星期的辛苦。可爱的宝宝自己坐起身,不再被大脑袋的重量压垮时,全家人为他鼓掌。学习永远不会停止,只有达到新里程碑或新突破时,我们才共同庆祝。

类似的情况在成人世界里同样存在,在职场环境中更为麻烦。错误会被指出,沮丧随之而来。之前“快速行动,打破一切”的宽容时代虽然获得广泛接受,但现在也有其局限性。在风投领域,我们经常面临紧急决定,例如支持哪些公司和创始人,或者在某些情况下,要紧急罢免一名高管。几个月或几年后才能够明确相关决定的后果。一些最优秀的风投公司意识到错误的重要性,所以将错误当成财富。有时风投董事会知道,某位管理者可能不适合领导某家企业。实际情况却经常是不听从多年经验在脑中的大声提醒,任凭错误的人指挥业务,浪费大把时间、金钱和士气。

如果不接受犯错,就是在伤害自己。正是在犯错的时候才可以学到最多。每天忍受着当初错误决定带来的痛苦,能够确保错误不再重演。

成功的球队赛后会重看视频,也有这层考虑。不管什么运动,比赛过程中队员都很难意识到发生了什么。ChatGPT积攒多年的错误之后积累了海量知识,似乎终于实现了人工智能的承诺。当前时代的一些最有影响力的人表示,成功的原因是经验带来的智慧和谦逊。时间给了人们犯错的机会。工作中的团队也应该秉持类似精神,从错误中吸取教训,并将学到的知识应用于未来的决策。

去年我写了一篇文章,请求人们不要再问女性如何实现平衡(多数女性并未实现)。我谈到从失衡中学习,但当时我还不理解从错误中学习的重要性。如果作为团队,作为女性,以及作为社会都可以感觉到错误被接受,想象一下人们能够获得多少成长。追求完美的日子已经随风飘远,取而代之的是接受新的兴奋感,来自学习的快乐。

生活裹挟着我变成成年人。我从不知道人会这么快长大。事实上,长大就是不知不觉。我成年后大部分时间都在尝试,如果遇到以前见过的模式如何“相信直觉”。现在,这种模式识别是我跻身成功高管的核心因素,而模式识别的诀窍正是认清过去的错误。

因此,现在我可以像男同事一样,坦然承认自己的错误。说到底,不要想着去避免孩子或自己失败,这种想法对每个人都是伤害。必须承认并接受错误,因为错误能够指明前进的道路。(财富中文网)

阿莉莎·贾菲(Alyssa Jaffee)是7wireVentures的合伙人。

Fortune.com上发表的评论文章中表达的观点,仅代表作者本人的观点,不代表《财富》杂志的观点和立场。

译者:夏林

7wireVentures合伙人阿莉莎·杰菲。

最近,一位同事对着全组人分享了自己犯错的经历。他毫不介意地说:“嘿,我错了。”我惊讶地发现,他对于承认自己并不会永远正确这一点很坦然。而对我来说,告诉别人自己犯错总是很困难。那一刻,我发现自己不仅佩服他的诚实,也很羡慕他。为什么包括我在内的多数人都很难接受自己的错误?这是性别问题吗?能克服吗?

我总是有种感觉:我不是唯一对此不舒服的人。数据也支持我的感觉。女性习惯于给出“正确”的答案,因为犯错可能要付出潜在的代价。女性管理者犯错时,会被认为不如男性管理者称职。研究表明,女性非常不愿意失败,如果不是100%相信自己合格就不会申请工作。

在医学界,如果遇到患者死亡,女外科医生收到转诊的机会就会下降54%,男外科医生则不会下降。与男性相比,女性财务顾问因为工作失误而遭到解雇的可能性高出20%,之后在金融业再找到工作的可能性又低30%。女性总觉得,必须加倍努力才可以避免失误。因此,女性默默咽下问题,抛开“冒名顶替综合症”(Impostor Syndrome),继续追求正确。

作为有三个孩子的职场妈妈,我一直在质疑孩子们为何小小年纪就被教育事事要正确,似乎这比从失败和错误中学习更重要。父母应该帮助孩子振作起来,应该多说“尽最大努力就好!”或者“继续努力!”

到最后人们总是庆祝成功的结果——而不是奋斗的过程,或者跌倒和爬起来需要多少勇气。我看着年纪最大的孩子努力学拼写,当他终于正确地写下“dog”这个单词,而不是之前18个奇怪的G,我会为他庆祝。第二个孩子终于听到球拍和网球之间完美的“啪一声”时开怀大笑,完全忘记练习挥杆几个星期的辛苦。可爱的宝宝自己坐起身,不再被大脑袋的重量压垮时,全家人为他鼓掌。学习永远不会停止,只有达到新里程碑或新突破时,我们才共同庆祝。

类似的情况在成人世界里同样存在,在职场环境中更为麻烦。错误会被指出,沮丧随之而来。之前“快速行动,打破一切”的宽容时代虽然获得广泛接受,但现在也有其局限性。在风投领域,我们经常面临紧急决定,例如支持哪些公司和创始人,或者在某些情况下,要紧急罢免一名高管。几个月或几年后才能够明确相关决定的后果。一些最优秀的风投公司意识到错误的重要性,所以将错误当成财富。有时风投董事会知道,某位管理者可能不适合领导某家企业。实际情况却经常是不听从多年经验在脑中的大声提醒,任凭错误的人指挥业务,浪费大把时间、金钱和士气。

如果不接受犯错,就是在伤害自己。正是在犯错的时候才可以学到最多。每天忍受着当初错误决定带来的痛苦,能够确保错误不再重演。

成功的球队赛后会重看视频,也有这层考虑。不管什么运动,比赛过程中队员都很难意识到发生了什么。ChatGPT积攒多年的错误之后积累了海量知识,似乎终于实现了人工智能的承诺。当前时代的一些最有影响力的人表示,成功的原因是经验带来的智慧和谦逊。时间给了人们犯错的机会。工作中的团队也应该秉持类似精神,从错误中吸取教训,并将学到的知识应用于未来的决策。

去年我写了一篇文章,请求人们不要再问女性如何实现平衡(多数女性并未实现)。我谈到从失衡中学习,但当时我还不理解从错误中学习的重要性。如果作为团队,作为女性,以及作为社会都可以感觉到错误被接受,想象一下人们能够获得多少成长。追求完美的日子已经随风飘远,取而代之的是接受新的兴奋感,来自学习的快乐。

生活裹挟着我变成成年人。我从不知道人会这么快长大。事实上,长大就是不知不觉。我成年后大部分时间都在尝试,如果遇到以前见过的模式如何“相信直觉”。现在,这种模式识别是我跻身成功高管的核心因素,而模式识别的诀窍正是认清过去的错误。

因此,现在我可以像男同事一样,坦然承认自己的错误。说到底,不要想着去避免孩子或自己失败,这种想法对每个人都是伤害。必须承认并接受错误,因为错误能够指明前进的道路。(财富中文网)

阿莉莎·贾菲(Alyssa Jaffee)是7wireVentures的合伙人。

Fortune.com上发表的评论文章中表达的观点,仅代表作者本人的观点,不代表《财富》杂志的观点和立场。

译者:夏林

Recently, one of my colleagues shared a mistake he made in front of a group. He was matter-of-fact, specific, and completely comfortable saying “hey, I got this wrong.” I was surprised to see that he had embraced the vulnerability of not always being right. For me, sharing personal mistakes has always been hard. At that moment I realized that not only I valued his honesty, but I also envied it. Craved it in fact. Why is it hard for most people to embrace their mistakes, me included? Is it a gendered problem? Can it be overcome?

I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t alone in feeling uncomfortable and it turns out, the data supports it. Women are conditioned to give the “right” answer because being wrong carries a potential cost. Female leaders are viewed as less competent than their male counterparts when they make mistakes. Studies show that women are so averse to failure that they don’t apply for jobs unless they feel 100% qualified.

In the medical world, physician referrals to female surgeons decreased 54% after the death of a patient–but didn’t drop for male surgeons. Female financial advisors are 20% more likely to be fired for work-related mistakes compared to men. They are also 30% less likely to find another job in the financial services industry. Women feel that we’ve had to work twice as hard to never slip up. So, we smother questions, push aside imposter syndrome, and soldier on in the pursuit of being correct.

As a working mom of three young kids, I’ve questioned how early we are taught that being right is more important than learning from failures and mistakes. As parents, we help our kids pick themselves up and keep going with affirmations like “Try your best!” or “Keep working at it!”

Ultimately, it’s the successful outcome that is celebrated–not the journey to get there, or how much grit it takes to fall and get back up. I watch my oldest child working on spelling, celebrating when he writes the word “dog” correctly, not 18 weird G’s that came before it. My second child grins when he hears that perfect “thwack” connection between racket and tennis ball for the first time, completely forgetting the weeks of practice swings. And my sweet baby, watching the whole family clap as he sits up on his own, no longer toppling over by the weight of his large head. Learning never stops for them, but it’s only when they reach that next milestone or breakthrough that they, and we, celebrate.

This conditioning continues as adults and is even more troublesome in professional settings. Errors are identified and accompanied by frustration. The permissive era of “move fast and break things,” while once embraced wholeheartedly, now has its limitations. In venture capital, we are often faced with pressing decisions, like which companies and founders to back or in some cases, an urgent need to remove an executive. The consequences of our decisions don’t always become clear until months or years later. Some of the best venture capital firms wear their mistakes as a badge of honor, knowing the importance of recognizing a miss. Those of us who sit on boards are sometimes faced with knowing that a leader may not be the right fit for a business. And often, instead of listening to our years of experience screaming in the backs of our heads, time, money, and morale are wasted because the wrong person was enlisted to lead the charge.

We are doing a disservice to ourselves by not embracing the art of making mistakes. It’s in those moments that we learn the most. Living with the discomfort of that decision every day ensures that we don’t make it again.

There is a reason successful sports teams have embodied the practice of reviewing game film. In the middle of a game, it can be difficult for a player to be aware of everything that is going on, regardless of the sport. ChatGPT, which feels like it’s finally delivering on the promise of artificial intelligence, built up its knowledge after years of mistakes. Some of the most influential people of our time cite achievement because of the wisdom and humility of experience. Time creates opportunities to make mistakes. Workplace teams should embrace a similar ethos, learning from mistakes and applying learnings to future decisions.

Last year, I wrote an article imploring people to stop asking women how we have balance (most of us don’t). I talked about learning from being imbalanced–but what I didn’t understand at the time was the importance of learning from mistakes. If we felt that mistakes were embraced, as a team, as women, and as a society, imagine how much we’d all grow. Gone would be the days of seeking perfection, we would be instead opening up for a new kind of thrill–that of learning.

Life catapulted me into adulthood faster than I could have imagined. I never knew you could grow up as an adult. In reality, it’s so obvious that you can. I’ve lived most of my adult life trying to figure out how to “trust my gut” if I see a pattern that I have encountered before. Today, that pattern recognition is a core piece of what makes me a successful executive. The trick of pattern recognition is to recognize past mistakes.

So today, I pledge to seek the comfort of welcoming mistakes just like my male colleague has done. In the end, when we try to rescue our kids–or ourselves–from failure, we are doing everyone a disservice. Instead, we must admit and embrace our mistakes for what they reveal: our path forward.

Alyssa Jaffee is a partner at 7wireVentures.

The opinions expressed in Fortune.com commentary pieces are solely the views of their authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and beliefs of Fortune.

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