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人分四种,如何获取他们的信任?

Business Insider 2017年12月04日

前FBI探员的经验之谈。

在美国联邦调查局工作期间,罗宾·德里克放弃了“己所欲,施于人”的传统“黄金法则”。

取而代之的是由作家兼演说家托尼·亚力山德拉提出的“白金法则”:“人之所欲,施之于人”。基于别人的关切和他们交流,采用他们能真正理解的方式,这样他们就更有可能拿出你想要的东西。

德里克毕业于海军军官学校,曾是海军陆战队员,负责过联邦政府的行为分析项目,目前是FBI探员。最近他和卡梅隆·斯陶斯共同撰写了《信任密码》(The Code of Trust)一书。

在书中,德里克和斯陶斯介绍了德里克建立的沟通风格盘点体系,其目的是为了最有效地执行上述白金法则。

这套体系把沟通风格分为四类。使用者的任务是判断和自己交流的人属于哪一类,然后用相应的知识来引导双方的对话。这四种类型是:

1. 直接任务导向型

2. 直接人员导向型

3. 间接任务导向型

4. 间接人员导向型

8月份造访Business Insider办公室时,德里克说辨别对方是人员导向还是任务导向通常更有用。

如果某人的人员导向特征较为明显,“他用的拟人、代词、个人趣闻轶事就会多得多。如果你想和这样的人好好交流一番或者打交道,那就使用这些方式吧。”

德里克说,另一方面,更侧重任务导向的人“比较关注流程、程序以及做事方法,而不是和谁一起去做。”

第二步是判断对方是直接沟通者还是间接沟通者。

这本书介绍说,直接沟通者在说话的同时思考。德里克和斯陶斯写道:“直接沟通者喜欢你一言我一语的交流,对别人的观点往往持开放态度,如果有人改变了他们对某事的看法,他们就会觉得自己真的从中受益了。”

间接沟通者一般会在说话前思考。德里克和斯陶斯写道:“他们深信字斟句酌是对对方的尊重,而且不会在无谓的、兜了一圈往往又回到原点的对话中浪费对方的时间。”

他们紧接着指出,人们的沟通风格会发生改变——实际上,只使用一种风格会削弱自己获得广泛信任的能力。

比如说,你认为自己的上司是一位任务导向型直接沟通者。那么向他们简要汇报你完成项目的步骤或许是明智的做法。同时,他们跟你争论某个具体步骤是否为最佳选择时,请不要感到受到了冒犯。

如果上司是人员导向型间接沟通者,你可能得让他们坐下来,然后解释自己为什么对某个项目充满热情,然后仔细地听他们回应的每一个词。

这样做的思路并不是要把人们区分开来,而是要牢记并非每个人都和你一样。如果想鼓励别人喜欢你、相信你,最好的办法就是用他们最熟悉的语言和他们交流。(财富中文网)

原文最初刊登在 BusinessInsider.com网站。

译者:Charlie 

At some point during his career with the FBI, Robin Dreeke abandoned the “golden rule” — the old adage that you should treat others as you would like to be treated.

He replaced it with another guideline, this one from author and speaker Tony Alessandra, called the “platinum rule“: Treat others as they want to be treated. Talk in terms of what’s important to them, in a way they can readily understand, and they’ll be more inclined to give you what you want.

Dreeke is a Naval Academy graduate, a former Marine, the former head of a federal behavioral analysis program, and a current FBI agent; he recently co-authored “The Code of Trust” with Cameron Stauth.

In the book, Dreeke and Stauth share the system Dreeke developed for implementing the platinum rule most effectively: The Communications Style Inventory.

The system boils down to four different communication styles. Your mission is to figure out which type of person you’re talking to, and to use that knowledge to guide the conversation. The four types are:

1. Direct, task-oriented

2. Direct, people-oriented

3. Indirect, task-oriented

4. Indirect, people-oriented

When he visited the Business Insider office in August, Dreeke said it’s generally more helpful to figure out whether someone is people- or task-oriented.

If someone’s more people-oriented, “they use a lot more personalization, a lot more use of pronouns, a lot more personal stories and anecdotes. If you want to have a great conversation with and engage someone like this, use those types of things.”

On the other hand, Dreeke said, someone who’s more task-oriented is “looking more at the process, procedures, and how to do something rather than who to do it with.”

The second step is to assess whether someone’s a direct or an indirect communicator.

Direct communicators, according to the book, think while they speak. Dreeke and Stauth write: “Direct speakers like the give-and-take of verbal exchange, tend to be open to the idea of others, and feel that they truly benefit if someone changes their mind about something.”

Indirect communicators generally think before they speak. Dreeke and Stauth write: “They sincerely believe that they are being respectful of you when they consider their words carefully, without wasting your time in the needless give-and-take that often ends exactly where it started.”

Dreeke and Stauth are quick to note that an individual’s communication style can change — and in fact, “sticking straight to one style will decrease your ability to inspire widespread trust.”

Let’s say you think your boss is a direct, task-oriented communicator. It might be wise to send them an outline of steps you’re taking to finish a project — and not to be insulted when they engage you in debate around whether that particular process is the best.

If your boss is an indirect, people-oriented communicator, you might want to sit them down and explain why you’re passionate about your current project — and to listen carefully to every word in their feedback.

The idea is less to pigeonhole people and more to remember that not everyone is exactly like you. If you want to encourage people to like you and to trust you, it’s best to speak their native language.

This article originally appeared on BusinessInsider.com

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