办公室里十大奇葩，你见过几种？

人生就是这样现实，你不可能跟单位的每个同事都处得很好，所以一定要看开：你是来单位工作的，不是来交朋友的。

如果你干过很多份工作，你可能就会注意到，单位这个林子一旦大了，什么类型的鸟都会有。比如郁郁不得志的艺术家，一心憧憬婚礼的恨嫁女，正打算离婚的中年大姐……他们的名字可能换了一茬又一茬，故事内核还是那一套。总之是流水的人名，铁打的杯具。

更杯具的就是你刚刚脱离了上一份工作，以为自己终于逃离了那几个性格令人难以忍受的家伙，却募然发现你的新同事活脱脱又是他们的翻版，那才真正令人三观尽毁，五内俱焚。因此，你最好注意一下这些负能量的性格，以后好有多远躲多远。

为此，《金钱》（Money）杂志评选出了办公室里最令人恼火的十种人。任何一个人只要在职场上混过几年，都能认出他们。

抑郁青年

人人都有过一些难熬的日子，但对于抑郁青年们来说，每一个工作日都是大阴天。她的收件箱里但凡有邮件进来，她还没打开看看内容，就会先痛苦地呻吟一声。每个项目都会引发她无休无止的抱怨。指望她按时上班更是不可能的事，因为这样就剥夺了她抱怨交通的机会。

当然，抑郁青年完全可以早上早出门一会儿，晚上晚走一会儿，以避免被领导抓到。但是这种话在她面前提都不能提，你最好还是把自己的耳机戴上，让她自己作死去吧。

搅屎棍

公司有很多项目要上马，但却没有多少时间来执行。出现了这种紧急状况，最好的办法就是召集一个会议来统一一下思想。倒霉的是你居然邀请了搅屎棍先生，他人生的最大乐趣就是搅乱会议的主题，不知不觉就把一个会开成了另一个会，光剩他在那里得瑟。

你知道他今天要去干洗店取衣服吗？你知道下周末他女儿要登台表演芭蕾舞吗？你今天真是赚到了，他决定把这些得意的事都放到今天的会议上讲一讲，让大家普天同庆一下子。而且一旦你妄图把会议拉回到正题上，他的嘴巴会张得能吃人，因为他想不到你吃了什么豹子胆，竟然敢打断他。

保密狂人

你从公司的地下八卦网络听说了一些事，但没有一件是好事。“重组”、“人力资源”、“冗员”这些词儿开始在你的同事圈子里流传，颇有山雨欲来风满楼之势。如果你的领导能给你透露一点点信息，则会有助你放松紧绷的神经。或者如果真是伸头缩头都要挨上那么一刀了，至少也能给你留下点准备的时间。

如果你的领导是个保密狂人，那么你不要嫌麻烦，一定要主动恭请教益。因为他肚子里的任何信息可能都与你的命运有关，哪怕从牙缝里随便挤出一句半句，也能在不起眼处帮你一些忙。“保密狂人”自身的权力感，就来自于他知道一些你不知道的东西。

跨国神秘男

作为人类的本能，我们天生就爱跟那些喜欢躲着我们的人犯贱。越是不鸟你的人，你就越爱往人家跟前凑。“跨国神秘男”就深知人的这一心理弱点，因此他永远不接电话、不回邮件，你永远也在办公室里看不见他。

正由于他神龙见首不见尾，你就更会发动亲戚、朋友、同事、项目伙伴等所有关系去找他。“跨国神秘男”终于勉为其难同意见你五分钟。当然，为了这五分钟的见面，他总是会迟到20分钟，然后再以“来晚了”为理由提前三分钟闪人。

阴谋论者

阴谋论者深信“总有刁民想害朕”，有人策划了各种阴谋诡计阻止他升职。他相信他遇到的每一个挫折、每一个挑战每一次拖延都是精心策划的阴谋，目的就是要摧毁他。

他断定他身边的每个人都在策划不可告人的阴谋，好将他置于死地，然后取代他的职位。对于这种人，你最好不惜一切代价避开他，除非绝对没有别的选择，否则尽量不要跟他共事。否早他迟早也会把你列入他的敌人名单上。

话唠小姐

你想不想知道你那位20来岁的女同事周五晚上都干了什么，她那天晚上喝了多少酒，第二天有多难受？什么？你说不想？可惜亲爱的话唠小姐还是要说，而且会添油加醋地把各种细节描述得详细无比，不管你爱不爱听。

好在话唠小姐的毛病并不难治。只要话唠小姐打开了话匣子，你就不妨打断她，逼她看你娃的照片，或者在房地产网站上给她看你想买的房子，问问她对你的理财顾问推荐给你的养老基金有啥看法。看着她眼中无聊的神色，你的心里就会不由得涌上一丝报复的快感：小样儿我还治不了你了！

不吧叽嘴不舒服斯基

这种场景我们肯定都经历过。时间到了下午两点半，工作把人弄得疲惫不堪，你的肚子也饿得咕咕叫了。唯一的选择就是坐在办公桌前垫巴垫巴。但是你不是一个没教养的人，所以你吃得非常小心，生怕咀嚼的声音太大，引得隔壁办公桌的老王向你投来不爽的目光。

而不吧叽嘴不舒服斯基同志却没有这种崇高觉悟。他甚至等不及被工作弄得精疲力竭时再开吃——他每天都在办公桌上吃东西，别以为他不啃生菜你的耳根就清静了，他就算吃一碗燕麦粥也能嚼出脆骨的声音来。

低语者

在办公室里大声聊天的人非常遭人忌恨，在其音波所及范围内的人都甭想专心工作了。但这些大嗓门却并非办公室里唯一会使用声波武器的人。低语者的杀伤力也着实不小，只是他们交谈的声音很低，你必须凑近了才能听见他们在说什么。

你可能觉得他们这样做真体贴，然而根本不是这么回事。低语者之所以这样做，只是一个策略，为的就是让每个看见他的嘴唇在动的人都集中精力去听他在说什么——而且很多时候这一招确实奏效。

开会不说干什么的人

你的收件箱里是啥？原来是一封会议通知，但它只说了会议的时间和地点，却并没有说会议的主题。这是因为那个光叫你去开会而又不说干什么的家伙召唤了你，至于在那个心惊肉跳的半个小时里，在那扇紧闭的会议室门内会发生什么，就任由大伙儿去猜了。

或许你今天又走了狗屎运——这只不过又是一次晒娃大会，也有可能是大家要送别一个离职的同事。还有可能邮件抄送栏里那些你不认识的人都是律师，大家正琢磨着怎么起诉你。谁知道呢？这位只叫开会不说干什么的老兄玩的就是心跳，他就是想让你在知道真相前让冷汗先流一会儿。

剧透狂人

现在是星期一的上午，由于一些你无法控制的原因，你昨晚没能看成最新一集的“权力的游戏”。你满心期待着晚上看一遍重播，而剧透狂人却不愿意给你这个机会，他大声向你剧透了每一个情节，每一个角色是怎么死的，每一个阴谋是怎么揭露的。

也不知道是健忘，还是他有一种光想毁掉别人的乐趣的变态心理，剧透狂人就是无法抑制住向饮水机旁的任何一个人进行深度剧透的欲望。所以周一上午你一定要离他远一点，除非你真的想在亲自看剧之前，就知道哪个角色在这一季的最后一集挂掉了。（财富中文网）

译者：朴成奎

It’s a fact of life that you’re not always going to get along with everyone you work with. That’s OK, though. You’re a grown-up, and you come to the office to work, not to make friends.

Still, if you’ve held numerous jobs, you may have noticed that various archetypes have appeared in every workplace. The struggling artist, the millennial planning her wedding, the 40-something planning her divorce. The names may change, but the shticks remain the same.

When the shticks in question come in the form of a grating, unbearable personality whose behavior is an exact replica of one that you left at your previous job, it can be a real morale destroyer. That’s why the best thing to do is take note of these personalities, and resolve to avoid them in the future when possible.

Toward this end, MONEY presents a list of 10 infuriating office personalities to steer clear of. Anyone who’s been in the workforce for a few years will recognize them. Read on…

Debbie Downer

We all have our bad days, but for Debbie Downer, they’re known as “weekdays.” Every email that hits her inbox elicits a groan, before she even opens it. Every project produces interminable complaining. And coming in on time is out of the question. After all, that would rob her of the opportunity to complain about the traffic.

Debbie Downer is of course free to take matters into her own hands and skirt these problems by leaving for work a little earlier or staying a little later to get caught up. Suggesting this to her, however, is verboten, and your best bet is just to put on headphones and let her flail.

The Diverter

There are a lot of projects coming up, and not much time to execute them. The best way to communicate this urgency is to call a meeting, and quickly get everyone on the same page. Too bad you invited The Diverter, whose greatest joy in life is to interrupt a meeting midstream and turn it into a whole other meeting, whose agenda items include him, him and him.

Did you know that he has dry cleaning to pick up today? Or that next weekend is his daughter’s ballet recital? Lucky for you, he’s decided that your meeting is the ideal forum to bring everyone up to speed on these fascinating developments. The best part is when you try to regain control of the agenda, and his jaw drops over the fact that you had the audacity to interrupt him.

The Information Hoarder

You’ve been hearing some things from the grapevine, and none of them are good. Terms like “reorg” and “human resources” and “redundant” have been swirling around, and if your boss could just throw a little information your way, it would really help calm your nerves, or at least give you time to prepare for the inevitable.

If your boss is The Information Hoarder, don’t bother asking. This person holds back any and all information that may pertain to your situation, as he does with any other knowledge that might help you in some small way. The Information Hoarder derives all his feelings of power from the knowledge that he knows something that you don’t.

The international Man of Mystery

As human beings, we pursue those who retreat from us. Indeed, few people in the world fascinate us more than those who won’t give us the time of day. The International Man of Mystery understands this, and therefore never picks up his phone, never answers his email and never sits at his desk.

Due to his scarcity, you will blow off everything – friends, family, coworkers, current projects, you name it – when The International Man of Mystery finally deigns to grant you five minutes. Unsurprisingly, he’ll show up 20 minutes late for those five minutes, and invoke “running late” as his reason for cutting the meeting off after two minutes.

The Jonestown Resident

The Jonestown Resident is convinced that he is the subject of machinations designed to stymie his professional advancement. He believes that every setback, every challenge and every delay is a deliberate plot, designed to destroy him.

He is certain that everyone around him is hatching Machiavellian plots to undermine him and take his plumb job. The best advice is to avoid this individual at all costs and work with him only when there is absolutely no other choice. Otherwise he will inevitably put you on his enemies list.

Little Miss TMI

Have you ever wondered what your 20-something coworker did on Friday night, how much she had to drink or if she suffered a hangover from it? No? Well, too bad. Little Miss TMI is going to fill you in on the fascinating details anyway, whether you want to hear about it or not.

Luckily for you, this is one scenario in which you can actually retaliate. When Little Miss TMI starts in, interrupt her and insist that she look at photos of your children. Forward her the Zillow listing for the house you’re closing on. Ask what she thinks about the retirement account options your financial adviser has recommended. As her eyes glaze over with boredom, enjoy a brief moment of revenge.

The Loud Desk Eater

Hey, we’ve all been there. It’s 2:30, you’re slammed with work and you’re starving. The only option is to eat at your desk, but since you’re not a philistine, you take great care not to emit any onerous chewing noises, smacking noises or any other sound that would engender glares of disgust from your cubicle mates.

The Loud Desk Eater has no such hangups. In fact, The Loud Desk Eater will not even wait until he’s bogged down with work to eat at his desk – he does it every day. And don’t think that his avoidance of raw vegetables will buy you his silence. He’s able to extract a surprising amount of volume out of oatmeal.

The Low Talker

People who talk too loud are a common curse in most offices, distracting and interrupting everyone within earshot. But the loud coworker isn’t the only one who uses volume as a weapon. The Low Talker does it too, by talking so quietly that you have to lean in to hear what he has to say.

Lest you think The Low Talker is doing this to be considerate, think again. Consideration for the office has nothing to do with it. The Low Talker does this as a tactic to get the undivided attention of everyone who can see his lips moving — and chances are, it works.

The No Context Meeting Inviter

What’s that in your inbox? It’s a meeting invitation, and it says when and where to be, but not what it’s about. This is because The No Context Meeting Inviter has summoned you, and it’s anybody’s guess what’s going down in that half-hour that he’s blocked out in conference room B.

Maybe you’ll get lucky and it’s just a baby shower. Maybe it’s farewell drinks for a departing colleague. Or maybe all those people you don’t know in the cc field of the email are corporate lawyers, and you’re about to be sued. Who knows? The No Context Meeting Inviter does, that’s who, and he’s content to let you sweat until you find out the hard way.

The Spoiler

It’s Monday morning, and due to circumstances beyond your control, you didn’t get to watch “Game of Thrones” last night. You were looking forward to catching up on it tonight without knowing what’s going to happen, but The Spoiler has other plans for you, and loudly announces every twist, every character death and every revelation.

Whether it’s just forgetfulness or a sick compulsion to ruin things for others, The Spoiler cannot resist the urge to divulge sensitive plot points to anyone standing near a water cooler. So steer clear of him on Monday morning, unless you want to know who dies in the season finale without actually seeing it for yourself.