如何与老板设定工作界限？

假设你是一家公司的高级副总裁，当你正准备为女儿过生日时，上司突然要求你去参加CEO主持的一个重要会议，你该怎么办？

对于托尼•克拉布来说，这根本就不是问题，因为他此前已经就工作和生活的边界问题，与上司达成一项“合作法则”。

在我组织的一次活动中，微软公司的一名副总裁应邀发表了关于领导力的演讲。他用短短几句开场白就抓住了听众的心：“我从来没有错过妻子和三个孩子的生日，从来没有错过任何一次结婚纪念日，也从来没错过孩子们每学期的开学日、最后一天，或者任何一次校园剧的首演。”他列举了许多例子，这些仅仅是其中一小部分。当时参加活动的均为高级领导者，他们错过了这位公司副总裁列出的许多特殊场合。他们都想知道，一位负责数十亿美元业务、需要统领全局的领导者，如何能做到不缺席所有这些场合。

于是，我们向他寻求答案。他解释了他与家人达成的共识：随着自身资历越来越高，公司对他的要求必然会增加，但有些场合是神圣的、无可替代的。他可以接受经常出差，努力工作，但错过这些重要的时刻，是他不能接受的。这是他协调工作与家庭生活的方式之一。通过出席这些活动，他向孩子、妻子和他自己展示出，什么东西对他才是最重要的。他还解释说，这种价值观融入了他与任何管理者达成的“合作法则”。在接受任何职务之前，他都会首先与上司达成某种协定。如果新上司不愿意接受他的“合作法则”，他就会拒绝这份工作。

明确自己想要什么

听他演讲时，真正触动我的是，他非常清楚自己想要什么。他的职位要求他每天做出各种艰难的决定，不仅涉及他的业务，也包括他的工作方式，而他总是能够发现那些能让自己和最关心的人保持情感联系的具体时刻；他的家人可以接受他的缺席，因为他们相信，在最重要的时刻，他一定会出现。

没有人是万能的，也没有人能拥有一切。与上司或合作伙伴设定界限时，我们必须做出一些取舍。而重要的是，我们要清楚，哪些事情对我们是真正至关重要的，并围绕它们来设定界限。你可以试试把下面这两个问题的答案作为谈判的基础：

•对于你的工作或生活，你真正想要的是什么？（请具体说明。）

•为了完成对你真正重要的事情，你愿意放弃什么？

遇到问题先发制人

设定界限的另一个方面，是我所称的“先发制人”。假如那位公司副总裁在女儿生日当天接到上司的电话，告诉他出现了一个严重的问题，需要他出席与微软公司CEO的会议。大多数人在接到类似电话时，可能会抱怨几句，但是马上就会跟女儿打电话，解释并道歉不能给她过生日了。

那么，那位公司副总裁会怎么做呢？遇到这种情况时，他只需要提醒上司之前达成的协定。双方均明白他的价值观；双方都清楚“合作法则”。因此，讨论的话题很快就会转移到寻找这个问题的变通解决方案；拒绝出席如此关键的会议，确实很有挑战性，但这并不是问题。

之前的协定已经表明了有些事情对你的重要性，表明了你的价值观。我们尊重有明确且坚定价值观的个人和领导者。先发制人战术可以确定你的基本原则，帮助你管理自己的界限，而且可以提前避免艰难的沟通。

所以，当老板动不动就甩一项工作过来的时候，你该接吗？你的“合作法则”是什么？你的上司清楚你的“合作法则”吗？

本文经出版社授权，节选自托尼•克拉布的《纷繁世界，游刃有余》（BUSY: How to Thrive in a World of Too Much）一书。（财富中文网）

译者：刘进龙/汪皓

审校：任文科

At one of my events, I had a corporate vice president at Microsoft come to speak to us about leadership. His opening few lines gripped the room: “I have never missed my wife’s birthday or the birthdays of any of my three children. I have never missed the first day or the last day of any school term. I have never missed my wedding anniversary. I have never missed the opening night of a school play.” This was just a small part of the list he reeled off. The room was full of senior leaders, all of whom had missed many of the type of special events listed by the CVP. They all wondered how it was possible for this man, running a billion-dollar business, in a global role, to be present for all those moments.

So we asked him. He explained the understanding that he and his family had come to: that while they accepted that demands on him would rise with his increasing seniority, certain moments were sacred and irreplaceable. He accepted he would travel a lot and he accepted he would work hard, but he would not accept missing these moments. They were one of his ways of harmonizing his work and his family life. In always being present for those moments, he demonstrated to his children, his wife and himself where his priorities lay. He also explained that this value of his was part of his “Rules of Engagement” with any manager. Before he agreed to take on any role, he would negotiate certain agreements with that manager. He would not take a job if a prospective new manager was unwilling to agree to his Rules of Engagement.

Be specific

What really hit me as I listened to the CVP was how wonderfully specific he was about what he wanted. His role required him to make tough decisions each day, not only about his business but also about the way he worked. He had been able to identify very specific moments that allowed him to feel connected to those he cared most about; they could accept his absences, confident in the knowledge that he would be there when it mattered most.

We can’t do or have everything. When setting boundaries, we have to accept that some things will have to give as we negotiate with our manager or partner. What’s important is that we are clear about those things that really matter to us, and build boundaries around them. Use your answers to the following questions as the basis for negotiating your boundaries:

• What do you (really) want when it comes to your work or your life? (Be specific.)

• What are you willing to let go of in favor of those things that are truly important to you?

The preemptive strike

The other aspect of boundary setting is what I call “the preemptive strike.” Let’s imagine our CVP gets a call from his manager telling him that a real issue has arisen and he needs to attend a meeting with the CEO of Microsoft on his daughter’s birthday. Most of us might grumble during this call, but it would be followed shortly after by an apologetic conversation with our daughter.

Consider the case of the CVP. When situations like this occur, all he needs to do is remind the manager of their prior agreement. Both people are clear about the values of the CVP; both people are clear of the Rules of Engagement. The discussion rapidly shifts to a workaround solution to this issue; the refusal to attend this critical meeting poses a challenge, but is not a problem.

Prior agreements demonstrate how important things are to you, where your values stand. We respect individuals and leaders who have clear and strong values. The preemptive strike sets out your ground rules and allows you to manage your boundaries, but defuses difficult conversations in advance.

What are your Rules of Engagement? How clear is your manager about your Rules of Engagement?

Excerpt from BUSY: How to Thrive in a World of Too Much by Tony Crabbe. Copyright © 2015 by Tony Crabbe. Used with permission by Grand Central Publishing. All rights reserved.