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累得要命又对忙碌上瘾?不要让工作掏空你的生命

累得要命又对忙碌上瘾?不要让工作掏空你的生命

Caroline Dooner 2022-02-18
你可以放心地去休息。停止工作有益于你的大脑,你的身体以及你的神经系统。

《累得要命:节食、自助和拼命三郎文化》,作者:卡洛琳·杜纳 图片来源:COURTESY OF HARPER WAVE

5年前,我发现自己处于极度倦怠、身心俱疲的状态。然而最奇怪的是,对此我无法给出明确或直接的解释。从表面上看,这种现象根本说不通。与其他人相比,我还没有忙到不可开交的地步,而且生活也并不艰难。事实上,我可以列出多个例子来证明我的生活比很多人都更轻松。然而,我无法否认的是:我出现了倦怠情绪。我基本上都没有力气来保持之前的生活节奏。

我很快意识到,十多年来,我一直认为自己应该换一种行事方式,这种想法为我带来了轻微的焦虑和潜意识压力,也逐渐让我产生了倦怠感。随着时间的推移,我所接纳的大量未经权衡的文化期许亦在缓慢地消耗着我的生命力。

我决定给自己放一个超长的假期,事实上我休息了两年。虽然这听起来很极端,但我并非是一事无成。我从没打算在床上躺两年,不碰工作。在这两年里,我重新审视了自己的生活方式,以及种种可能让身体、精神和情感不堪重负的原因。我开始清楚地意识到是什么打倒了我,并尝试将其中一些抛到脑后。

要从之前的状态中恢复过来,意味着要重新评估生活的方方面面、更要学会“断舍离”。这些都是我在即将出版的书作《累得要命》中所谈论的事情。然而我意识到,导致自己生活陷入泥潭的一个主要诱因便是“忙碌成瘾”,而且自己并没有在意。我意识到,倦怠情绪实际上与我是不是全世界最忙碌的人没有关系。随着时间的推移,我自己的心态以及与忙碌和生产力之间的关系,实际上一直在缓慢地将我掏空。

下文节选自本人已于2月8日发表的书作《累得要命》,探讨了我们的“忙碌成瘾”文化。

卡洛琳·杜纳是一名作家、幽默大师和故事作者。图片来源:COURTESY OF HARPER WAVE

忙碌成瘾的人多如牛毛。说真的,我并不确认“busyness”这个单词是否真的存在,但我的计算机并没有对其自动更正,因此我觉得应该是存在的吧。我们痴迷于“忙碌”这种状态。这类人并不少,但并非所有人都如此。

我们将“忙碌”视为一种美妙、恐怖的分心剂,能够让自己从生活、痛苦和情绪,以及不想面对的事情中解脱出来。它会妨碍我们去学习如何与自己相处。它很狡猾,因为它是一种在社会上广为接受的“瘾”。人们将其作为一种荣誉勋章随身佩戴。我太忙了,需要做的事太多了。它是工作狂的近亲,而工作狂是另一种得到社会认可的“瘾”,它还有一个近亲“完美主义”以及“控制”瘾。它们都是行为领域的“瘾”,意味着其“高潮”来自于行为,而不是某种物质。

我们可以从两个层面来看忙碌和生产力的问题:首先,它会妨碍我们从事更深层次的事情。其次,这种妨碍还打着负责任、高尚的旗号。因此,我们会将其视为是健康的,哪怕有时候它并非如此。这就导致人们可能会在较长时间内忽视其危害性。

而忙碌、工作狂和完美主义常常伴随着饮食失调、进食紊乱和极细致的饮食管理以及强迫性锻炼等体重控制方法。我想提醒你的是,暴饮暴食、情绪化饮食以及强迫饮食都会因节食以及与食物有关的规定和内疚而直接恶化。这意味着诸多我们所理解的“饮食失控”实际上在一开始就已经被体重控制以及食物完美主义所渗透。当我们思考“应对机制”时,我们通常会想到强迫性饮食,然而我们通常并不会思考我们与生产力、忙碌、工作、节食、控制以及完美主义之间的关系,会对我们与食物(以及其他很多事物)之间的关系造成什么样的影响。

那么,为什么我们会“忙碌”成瘾?其原因跟任何行为“成瘾”的原因一样。忙碌可以让你分心,不用再去思考情绪问题,可以抛却未解决的创伤,告别失落感或不满。我们一直以来都有这种定势思维,认为忙碌是一种负责任的表现,也十分重要。如果自己这种忙碌的状态让你有一种自豪感或责任感,那么你也就失去了自我反省的时间,因为生活成了活动、睡觉(如果能睡着)、洗漱和重复。

忙碌也是新出现的崇拜心态之一。德里克·汤普森的文章《工作主义让美国人痛苦不堪》(Workism Is Making Americans Miserable)认为,对于接受过大学教育的精英来说,工作已经转变成了“一种宗教,有前途的身份,超然的心态和归属感”。尽管传统的宗教信仰有所滑坡,但“每个人都有膜拜的事物”,不管是食物的纯粹性和锻炼,还是工作到筋疲力尽。这种设定的问题在于,它会导致大量的焦虑和倦怠情绪。

忙碌本身并没有错,而且是生活正常的组成部分。生活会自然地忙碌起来,何况生产力提升会让人们发自内心地感到高兴,尤其是人们在从事自己喜爱的工作,或只是……从事需要完成的事情。忙碌从道德上来讲是一种中性状态。生活变得忙碌是很正常的事。只不过,如果不注意的话,它会轻易地绑架我们,还可能让我们开始忘却,要保持忙碌状态,我们也需要充电。

保持高产的状态对于我们的精神健康是非常有益的,然而,一旦它成为了一种强制性的状态,问题就会接踵而至。锻炼也是一样。锻炼有益于我们的身体和精神健康,但一旦它成为了一种开始统治我们生活的强制性习惯之后,就会适得其反。因此,问题在于……你是否把忙碌作为一种手段,以便让自己逃避需要关注的事情?如果有人把你从忙碌中解脱出来,会出现什么后果?如果答案是你会偶尔感到难过,那么这就是一个好迹象。嘿,为什么把我喜欢做的所有事情都拿走了?然而,如果你对慢下来感到恐惧,那么很有可能你并不“热衷于忙碌”,更有可能是因为你把忙碌当做荣誉勋章,或一种让自己分心的手段,或者我们以此来避免去探索一些更深层次的东西。

我们每个人都有令自己感到舒适的不同生活节奏。一些人需要更慢的节奏,一些人则需要较快的节奏来茁壮成长。是的,对于那些天生就喜欢快节奏的人来说,他们依然会逃避某些事情,但有的人就是喜欢干活。并非所有人都喜欢宁静、慢节奏的生活。哪一种节奏都没有错。我们要注意的问题在于……人们是否把忙碌当做逃避的借口?很多人都存在这个问题。

另一个问题在于我们会把什么与忙碌进行关联,以及把什么与休息进行关联。说到忙碌和持续的高产,我们会联想到负责任和道德高尚。说到休息,我们会想到懒惰和道德败坏。我们会觉得休息无法给自己带来任何价值,是软弱、不负责任的表现。因为生产力文化膜拜就是这么教导我们的。

因此,我们又回到了同样的问题:我们从中学到了什么?我们是否了解是什么在促使我们做这些事情,以及它真正为我们带来了什么样的影响?因为说实在的,休息和停工以及沉寂是一种恢复方式。长期生活在压力、肾上腺素和活动之下通常会导致人们出现倦怠情绪,而且这还是最好的结果。最坏的结果就是生病,或者同时出现其他成瘾行为,以帮助我们逃避自己尝试逃避的事情。很多对忙碌上瘾的人可能还对其他行为或物质上瘾,目的都是一样的:分心或逃避。

不过……我们要逃避的是什么?我们自己知道吗?有些人可能知道,或者有一定的概念。它可能是为了消化悲痛,或已知的创伤,也有可能是面对不安全感或他人告诫的不应触碰的危险情绪。或者有可能是……我们根本不知道的事情。可能是因为逃避的如此彻底,以至于我们自己对其毫不知情。可能我们需要寻找一名心理医生来帮助梳理其中的缘由。也有可能我们需要更多的休息时间来等待其自行出现。

我无法相信我竟然养成了一种习惯:要求人们去应对所有这些非常难以应付的事情。要直面这种危险的自我仇恨,将其化为饭量,你这个饥饿的蠢货!要学着应对儿童时代的心理创伤,不要用过度锻炼以及将工作带回家来麻痹自己。我不知道自己的这个习惯是怎么来的。我宁愿向你讲述一些奇怪的故事。我只是想告诉你,你可以放心地去放松自我,但事实在于,我们无法让自己放松的原因正是因为我们认为没有人会允许我们这么做,或者是因为我们在逃避某些事情。要做到这一点并不容易。然而,总得有人把它说出来,而且我觉得,在今天,那个人就是我。

那么让我再说一次:你可以放心地去放松自我。你可以放心地去休息。停止工作有益于你的大脑,你的身体以及你的神经系统。即便停工对你没有好处,你依然可以放心地去休息,因为你的价值并不取决于你的生产力或责任感。

如果你开始休息,并很快出现了恐惧感,那么你可能需要去应对或摆脱一些潜藏的事情。做到这一点需要时间、精力以及大量的支持,但你能够做到,而且我相信你可以做到。(财富中文网)

本文节选自卡洛琳·杜纳的书作《累得要命:节食、自助和拼命三郎文化》。卡洛琳·杜纳版权所有© 2022。由哈珀·柯林斯出版集团(Harper Collins Publishers)旗下公司Harper Wave出版。已获转载许可。

译者:冯丰

审校:夏林

5年前,我发现自己处于极度倦怠、身心俱疲的状态。然而最奇怪的是,对此我无法给出明确或直接的解释。从表面上看,这种现象根本说不通。与其他人相比,我还没有忙到不可开交的地步,而且生活也并不艰难。事实上,我可以列出多个例子来证明我的生活比很多人都更轻松。然而,我无法否认的是:我出现了倦怠情绪。我基本上都没有力气来保持之前的生活节奏。

我很快意识到,十多年来,我一直认为自己应该换一种行事方式,这种想法为我带来了轻微的焦虑和潜意识压力,也逐渐让我产生了倦怠感。随着时间的推移,我所接纳的大量未经权衡的文化期许亦在缓慢地消耗着我的生命力。

我决定给自己放一个超长的假期,事实上我休息了两年。虽然这听起来很极端,但我并非是一事无成。我从没打算在床上躺两年,不碰工作。在这两年里,我重新审视了自己的生活方式,以及种种可能让身体、精神和情感不堪重负的原因。我开始清楚地意识到是什么打倒了我,并尝试将其中一些抛到脑后。

要从之前的状态中恢复过来,意味着要重新评估生活的方方面面、更要学会“断舍离”。这些都是我在即将出版的书作《累得要命》中所谈论的事情。然而我意识到,导致自己生活陷入泥潭的一个主要诱因便是“忙碌成瘾”,而且自己并没有在意。我意识到,倦怠情绪实际上与我是不是全世界最忙碌的人没有关系。随着时间的推移,我自己的心态以及与忙碌和生产力之间的关系,实际上一直在缓慢地将我掏空。

下文节选自本人已于2月8日发表的书作《累得要命》,探讨了我们的“忙碌成瘾”文化。

忙碌成瘾的人多如牛毛。说真的,我并不确认“busyness”这个单词是否真的存在,但我的计算机并没有对其自动更正,因此我觉得应该是存在的吧。我们痴迷于“忙碌”这种状态。这类人并不少,但并非所有人都如此。

我们将“忙碌”视为一种美妙、恐怖的分心剂,能够让自己从生活、痛苦和情绪,以及不想面对的事情中解脱出来。它会妨碍我们去学习如何与自己相处。它很狡猾,因为它是一种在社会上广为接受的“瘾”。人们将其作为一种荣誉勋章随身佩戴。我太忙了,需要做的事太多了。它是工作狂的近亲,而工作狂是另一种得到社会认可的“瘾”,它还有一个近亲“完美主义”以及“控制”瘾。它们都是行为领域的“瘾”,意味着其“高潮”来自于行为,而不是某种物质。

我们可以从两个层面来看忙碌和生产力的问题:首先,它会妨碍我们从事更深层次的事情。其次,这种妨碍还打着负责任、高尚的旗号。因此,我们会将其视为是健康的,哪怕有时候它并非如此。这就导致人们可能会在较长时间内忽视其危害性。

而忙碌、工作狂和完美主义常常伴随着饮食失调、进食紊乱和极细致的饮食管理以及强迫性锻炼等体重控制方法。我想提醒你的是,暴饮暴食、情绪化饮食以及强迫饮食都会因节食以及与食物有关的规定和内疚而直接恶化。这意味着诸多我们所理解的“饮食失控”实际上在一开始就已经被体重控制以及食物完美主义所渗透。当我们思考“应对机制”时,我们通常会想到强迫性饮食,然而我们通常并不会思考我们与生产力、忙碌、工作、节食、控制以及完美主义之间的关系,会对我们与食物(以及其他很多事物)之间的关系造成什么样的影响。

那么,为什么我们会“忙碌”成瘾?其原因跟任何行为“成瘾”的原因一样。忙碌可以让你分心,不用再去思考情绪问题,可以抛却未解决的创伤,告别失落感或不满。我们一直以来都有这种定势思维,认为忙碌是一种负责任的表现,也十分重要。如果自己这种忙碌的状态让你有一种自豪感或责任感,那么你也就失去了自我反省的时间,因为生活成了活动、睡觉(如果能睡着)、洗漱和重复。

忙碌也是新出现的崇拜心态之一。德里克·汤普森的文章《工作主义让美国人痛苦不堪》(Workism Is Making Americans Miserable)认为,对于接受过大学教育的精英来说,工作已经转变成了“一种宗教,有前途的身份,超然的心态和归属感”。尽管传统的宗教信仰有所滑坡,但“每个人都有膜拜的事物”,不管是食物的纯粹性和锻炼,还是工作到筋疲力尽。这种设定的问题在于,它会导致大量的焦虑和倦怠情绪。

忙碌本身并没有错,而且是生活正常的组成部分。生活会自然地忙碌起来,何况生产力提升会让人们发自内心地感到高兴,尤其是人们在从事自己喜爱的工作,或只是……从事需要完成的事情。忙碌从道德上来讲是一种中性状态。生活变得忙碌是很正常的事。只不过,如果不注意的话,它会轻易地绑架我们,还可能让我们开始忘却,要保持忙碌状态,我们也需要充电。

保持高产的状态对于我们的精神健康是非常有益的,然而,一旦它成为了一种强制性的状态,问题就会接踵而至。锻炼也是一样。锻炼有益于我们的身体和精神健康,但一旦它成为了一种开始统治我们生活的强制性习惯之后,就会适得其反。因此,问题在于……你是否把忙碌作为一种手段,以便让自己逃避需要关注的事情?如果有人把你从忙碌中解脱出来,会出现什么后果?如果答案是你会偶尔感到难过,那么这就是一个好迹象。嘿,为什么把我喜欢做的所有事情都拿走了?然而,如果你对慢下来感到恐惧,那么很有可能你并不“热衷于忙碌”,更有可能是因为你把忙碌当做荣誉勋章,或一种让自己分心的手段,或者我们以此来避免去探索一些更深层次的东西。

我们每个人都有令自己感到舒适的不同生活节奏。一些人需要更慢的节奏,一些人则需要较快的节奏来茁壮成长。是的,对于那些天生就喜欢快节奏的人来说,他们依然会逃避某些事情,但有的人就是喜欢干活。并非所有人都喜欢宁静、慢节奏的生活。哪一种节奏都没有错。我们要注意的问题在于……人们是否把忙碌当做逃避的借口?很多人都存在这个问题。

另一个问题在于我们会把什么与忙碌进行关联,以及把什么与休息进行关联。说到忙碌和持续的高产,我们会联想到负责任和道德高尚。说到休息,我们会想到懒惰和道德败坏。我们会觉得休息无法给自己带来任何价值,是软弱、不负责任的表现。因为生产力文化膜拜就是这么教导我们的。

因此,我们又回到了同样的问题:我们从中学到了什么?我们是否了解是什么在促使我们做这些事情,以及它真正为我们带来了什么样的影响?因为说实在的,休息和停工以及沉寂是一种恢复方式。长期生活在压力、肾上腺素和活动之下通常会导致人们出现倦怠情绪,而且这还是最好的结果。最坏的结果就是生病,或者同时出现其他成瘾行为,以帮助我们逃避自己尝试逃避的事情。很多对忙碌上瘾的人可能还对其他行为或物质上瘾,目的都是一样的:分心或逃避。

不过……我们要逃避的是什么?我们自己知道吗?有些人可能知道,或者有一定的概念。它可能是为了消化悲痛,或已知的创伤,也有可能是面对不安全感或他人告诫的不应触碰的危险情绪。或者有可能是……我们根本不知道的事情。可能是因为逃避的如此彻底,以至于我们自己对其毫不知情。可能我们需要寻找一名心理医生来帮助梳理其中的缘由。也有可能我们需要更多的休息时间来等待其自行出现。

我无法相信我竟然养成了一种习惯:要求人们去应对所有这些非常难以应付的事情。要直面这种危险的自我仇恨,将其化为饭量,你这个饥饿的蠢货!要学着应对儿童时代的心理创伤,不要用过度锻炼以及将工作带回家来麻痹自己。我不知道自己的这个习惯是怎么来的。我宁愿向你讲述一些奇怪的故事。我只是想告诉你,你可以放心地去放松自我,但事实在于,我们无法让自己放松的原因正是因为我们认为没有人会允许我们这么做,或者是因为我们在逃避某些事情。要做到这一点并不容易。然而,总得有人把它说出来,而且我觉得,在今天,那个人就是我。

那么让我再说一次:你可以放心地去放松自我。你可以放心地去休息。停止工作有益于你的大脑,你的身体以及你的神经系统。即便停工对你没有好处,你依然可以放心地去休息,因为你的价值并不取决于你的生产力或责任感。

如果你开始休息,并很快出现了恐惧感,那么你可能需要去应对或摆脱一些潜藏的事情。做到这一点需要时间、精力以及大量的支持,但你能够做到,而且我相信你可以做到。(财富中文网)

本文节选自卡洛琳·杜纳的书作《累得要命:节食、自助和拼命三郎文化》。卡洛琳·杜纳版权所有© 2022。由哈珀·柯林斯出版集团(Harper Collins Publishers)旗下公司Harper Wave出版。已获转载许可。

译者:冯丰

审校:夏林

Five years ago, I found myself extremely burnt out. I was tapped out physically, emotionally, and mentally. But the strangest part of all was that there was no overt or straightforward explanation for my burnout. On the surface, it didn’t really make sense. I wasn’t particularly busier than anyone else. My life wasn’t harder than anyone else’s. In fact, I could have pointed to a number of ways that my life was easier than a lot of people’s. And still, I couldn’t deny it: I was burnt out. I literally couldn’t muster the strength to keep going at the rate I was going.

What I realized pretty quickly was that my burnout had actually crept up on me after more than a decade of low-grade anxiety and constant subconscious pressure that I was supposed to be doing something differently. A slew of unexamined cultural expectations I’d taken on had been allowed to slowly deplete my life force over time.

I decided to embark on a radical journey of rest. Two years of rest, in fact. As extreme as it sounds, it wasn’t going to be two years of nothing. Instead, it was meant to be a deliberate period of time where I reevaluated the way I was living, and the things I was allowing to deplete me, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. I wasn’t going to be lying in bed for the entire two years. I wasn’t taking two years off work. But I was going to become very aware of the forces that had run me down and see if I could let some of those things go.

There were lots of different parts of my own life that I had to reevaluate, take a break from, or let go of entirely, in order to recover from the state I was in. And those are all things I talk about in my upcoming book, Tired as F*ck. But one of the big forces that I realized was at play in my life was my own unexamined addiction to “busyness.” I realized that I didn’t actually have to be the busiest person in the world to get burnt out. My own mentality and relationship to busyness and productivity had actually been able to slowly deplete me over time.

Below is an excerpt from my upcoming book Tired As F*ck, out on Feb. 8, unpacking our cultural addiction to “busyness.”

________________________________________

A lot of us are addicted to busyness. And I honestly didn’t know “busyness” was a real word, but my computer is not autocorrecting it, so I guess it is a real word. We have an addiction to being busy. Not all of us, but a lot of us.

We use busyness as a wonderful, horrible distraction from life, and pain, and emotions, and things we don’t want to face. It’s a distraction from learning to be with ourselves. And it’s sneaky, because it is a very socially acceptable addiction. We wear it as a badge of honor. I am soooo busy. I have soooooo much to do. It is a close relative of workaholism, another socially acceptable addiction. Another close cousin is perfectionism and addiction to “control.” They’re behavioral addictions, meaning the “high” is coming from the behavior, as opposed to a substance.

Our problem with busyness and productivity is twofold: First, it’s a distraction from deeper things. And second, we’ve learned it’s a responsible and noble distraction. So, we think it’s inherently healthy, even when it isn’t. Which may lead to it going unexamined for a very long time.

Busyness, workaholism, and perfectionism are also not-so-distant relatives of eating disorders, disordered eating, and weight obsession through micromanaging food and engaging in compulsive exercise. And I want to remind you that binge eating, emotional eating, and compulsive eating are all directly exacerbated by dieting, as well as rules and guilt around food. Which means that a lot of what we think of as being “out of control around food” is actually being perpetuated by attempts at weight control and food perfectionism in the first place. When we think of “coping mechanisms,” we often think about compulsive eating, but we don’t usually think about how our relationship with productivity, busyness, working, dieting, control, and perfectionism affects our relationship with food (and lots of other things too).

So why are we addicted to busyness? It’s the same reason we are addicted to any behavior. It’s a distraction. It’s a distraction from emotions. It’s a distraction from unresolved trauma. It’s a distraction from feeling lost or discontent. And it’s also something we have been conditioned to believe is responsible and important. And if you are constantly being impressive and responsible with your busyness, there isn’t any time for reflection, there’s just constant activity, sleep (if you can), then rinse and repeat.

It’s also one of our newer cult mentalities. Derek Thompson’s article “Workism Is Making Americans Miserable” asserts that for the college-educated elite, working has turned into “a kind of religion, promising identity, transcendence, and community.” And even though traditional religious faith has declined, still: “everybody worships something,” be it food purity and exercise or working yourself to exhaustion. The problem with this setup is that it’s leading to mass anxiety and burnout.

There is nothing inherently wrong with being busy—it’s a normal part of life. Life gets busy. Not to mention that productivity can be really joyful for people, especially if they’re doing things they love, or just…doing things that need to be done. Being busy is morally neutral. And life getting busy is totally normal. It’s just that, unchecked, it can run away with us. Unchecked, maybe we start to forget that busyness requires recharging in order to be sustainable.

Being productive can be really good for our mental health, but the issue comes once it becomes a compulsion. It’s the same thing with exercise. Exercise is great for our physical and mental health, but not when it’s a compulsion that begins to rule our lives. So, the question is…are you using busyness as a way to distract yourself from things that need attention? If someone took your busyness away, what would happen? If the answer is that you would be casually bummed—that’s a good sign. Hey, why did you take away all the things I love to do? But if we are terrified of slowing down, it’s probably not because we have a “passion for busyness,” it’s more likely because we are using busyness as a badge of honor, or a distraction, or we’re avoiding something deeper.

We all have different paces we feel comfortable with, too. Some people need a slower pace. Some people thrive with a faster pace. Yes, there can still be avoidance going on for the inherently fast-paced people, but some people just love doing things. Not everyone wants to live a quiet, slow-paced life. Neither is wrong. The thing to examine is…are we using busyness as a method for avoidance? Lots of us are.

The other problem is what we associate with busyness, and what we associate with rest. We associate busyness and constant productivity with being responsible and morally good. We associate rest with laziness and being morally bad. We think rest can’t do anything for us. It’s a sign of weakness. It’s a sign we are irresponsible. Because that’s what our productivity culture cult taught us.

So, this comes back to the same thing again: What have we learned? What have we learned that we are operating under, and what is it really doing for us? Because really, rest and downtime and stillness are healing. Living in a constant state of stress and adrenaline and activity usually ends up, best-case scenario: burning people out. Worst-case scenario: making us sick. Or coexisting with other addictions that help us to avoid whatever we’re trying to avoid. Many people who are addicted to busyness may also be addicted to other behaviors or substances to do the same thing: distract and avoid.

And…what are we avoiding? Do we even know? Some of us might. Or we might have an idea. Maybe processing grief. Maybe processing known trauma. Maybe facing insecurity or emotions we were taught weren’t safe to feel. Or maybe…we don’t know at all. Maybe we have so successfully avoided it that we have absolutely no idea. Maybe we need to find a therapist to help us start to figure it out. And maybe we need more downtime to see what starts to reveal itself.

I can’t believe I keep putting myself in a position where I’m telling everyone to deal with all these really hard things. Deal with your crippling self-hatred and learn to eat more, you hungry fool! Learn to deal with your childhood trauma and stop numbing yourself with overexercise and bringing home work. I don’t know how I found myself in this position. I’d rather just tell you weird stories. And I just want to be able to tell you that you are allowed to relax, but the truth is, the reason we aren’t letting ourselves relax is that we don’t think we are allowed to, or because we are running from something. And it’s not easy. But someone has to say it. And I guess, ugh, today, that someone is me.

So let me say it all again: You are allowed to relax. You are allowed to rest. Downtime is good for your brain. It’s good for your body. It’s good for your nervous system. Even if it wasn’t good for you, you’d still be allowed to do it, because your worth is not dependent on your productivity or responsibility.

If you start to take some downtime and feel impending terror, there are probably some underlying things to deal with and heal from. And it might take time, effort, and lots and lots of support. But you can do it. I know you can.

From the book Tired as F*ck: Burnout at the Hands of Diet, Self-Help, and Hustle Culture by Caroline Dooner. Copyright © 2022 by Caroline Dooner. Published by Harper Wave, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers. Reprinted by permission.

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