学会说“不”，让你更进一步

    如果你确实不想做这件事：“感谢邀请。恐怕我做不到/无法接受/无法在您的委员会任职，但我非常感谢您能想到/邀请我。”

    如果对方追问原因，可以这样说：“我只是没办法做这件事，但还是非常感谢。”

    如果对方继续坚持，可以这样回答：“我现在有太多事情要做，所以没有时间。但还是非常感谢。”

    不要说一些模棱两可、半推半就的话，或者讲一些具体的原因。你不能撒谎——而告诉对方有其他事情要做，并不是撒谎。

    如果你确实想接受邀请但却身不由己，同时又希望留在对方的关系网内，要向对方说清楚：

    “感谢您的邀请。我很想做这件事/接受这个职务/参与此事，但我现在确实无能为力。我希望您以后还会再次想到我。”

    诚实，简单，直接。

    减少承诺。辞去那些不能带来额外价值的董事会、委员会、组织职务或承诺。如果你不喜欢某件事，不能从中得到满足感，或者它对个人生活或职业没有任何帮助，那就不要再去做它。要保证每一项承诺都是有意义的，值得你付出时间。当然，“纯粹为了乐趣”也是不错的。

    在日程安排中保留一些空白。勇于拒绝自己不喜欢的约会、晚餐或活动。你很清楚我说的是哪些约会。

    减少会议。对不重要的会议说“不”。你真的需要参加吗？出席会议是否对你至关重要？将其与你的目标和责任加以权衡。如果它对你有意义，那就去做。如果没有，那就拒绝。只参加那些计划充分、具有实质内容的会议。

    注意那些“应该的事情”。只做自己喜欢或能够帮助你提升技能的志愿工作。如果你感觉那只是一项繁琐无趣的工作或“应该做的事情”，那你应该转变工作重点或者干脆不再去做这件事。

    设定并坚守你的界线。学会说“不”的一个重要部分，就是在工作和家庭中划定自己的界线，并且要明确告知其他人。我们要让别人知道如何对待我们才不会撞线，所以我们必须反复告知他们我们的界线。例如，如果你不想被打扰，只要说：“很抱歉，我现在不想讨论这件事。我正在处理其他事情。下午4点再讨论这件事如何？”如果你不想在晚上或周末工作，那就直接拒绝。让人们知道你的工作时间，下班后就不再接听电话，也不处理短信或电子邮件。

    你需要对其他人进行训练。如果有必要，在非工作时间设定假日自动回复或语音信箱，比如：“感谢您的来电/电子邮件。我的正常工作时间是X。如果是紧急情况，请联系X。否则，我将在X时间上班后，给您回电话/电子邮件。”

    如果同事在晚上和周末给你打电话或联系你，训练自己不接他们的电话或不回复他们的短信或电子邮件。回到工作中之后，你可以说：

    “很抱歉我不能接你的电话。除非紧急情况，否则，晚上7点之后或周末时间我不工作。”

    为了实现自己的目标，你必须修建一些“篱笆”，来保护自己，让自己快速成长。这意味着要区分对自己有益的和无益的事情。对无助于实现目标、会对你造成干扰或自己不喜欢的人、情况和承诺，要学会说“不”。你的行为要有目的性——学会说“不”！这个词虽简单却非常强大，会产生巨大的影响。

    本文作者卡米尔•普勒斯顿是领导力培训公司AIM Leadership的创始人兼CEO。她也是电子书《重来的决心：如何让工作更明智、让生活更幸福，让自己更高效》（The Rewired Resolution: Eight Ways to Work Smarter, Live Better, and be More Productive）的作者。（财富中文网）

    译者：刘进龙/汪皓

    If you really don’t want to do it:“Thanks for the invitation. I’m afraid I will not be able to make it/accept/serve on your committee, but I really appreciate you thinking of/including me.”

    If the person presses you for a reason, say: “I’m just not able to make it, but thanks so much.”

    If they really press, say:“I have so many other things on my plate/in the pipeline that I am simply not available. But thank you.”

    Do not offer maybes, half-steps, or specifics. And you don’t have to lie—it’s not a lie to say that there are other things on your plate or in the pipeline.

    Now, if you would actually like to accept the invitation but cannot, and you want to stay on that person’s radar, make that clear:

    “Thank you so much for the invitation. I would love to do it/serve/get involved, but I just can’t right now. I hope you will think of me again.”

    Honest, simple, straight forward.

    Simplify your commitments. Resign from boards, committees, organizations, or commitments that are not value added. If you don’t enjoy it, aren’t fulfilled by it, or it doesn’t help you personally or professionally, stop doing it. Make sure each commitment is meaningful and worth your time. And “just for fun” is A-OK in my book.

    Create white space on your calendar. Say no to those lunch dates, dinners, or events you don’t enjoy. You know exactly which ones I’m talking about.

    Minimize meetings. Say no to meetings that aren’t essential. Do you really need to go? Is it critical for you to be there? Again, weigh it against your goals and responsibilities. If it measures up meaningfully, do it. If not, don’t go. And only attend meetings where the creator has planned enough to include the agenda.

    Notice the “shoulds.” Only do volunteer work if you enjoy it or it helps burnish your skills. If it feels like a chore or a “should” change your focus or stop doing it.

    Set your boundaries, and stick to them. Part of saying no is establishing boundaries at work and at home and then being clear about them. We teach people how to treat us, so we have to re-teach them our boundaries. For example, if you do not wish to be bothered, simply say: “I’m sorry. I can’t discuss that right now. I am working on something else. How about at 4 p.m.?” If you don’t want to work in the evenings or on weekends then don’t. Let people know when you will be available, and then do not answer calls, texts, or emails during that down time.

    You need to train people. If you have to, use a vacation responder or voice mail for after hours, something like: “Thank you for your call/email. My regular work hours are X. If this is an emergency, please contact X. Otherwise, I will respond to your call/email when I return on X.”

    If colleagues call or contact you in the evenings and on weekends, train yourself not to take their calls or respond to their texts or emails. When you are back to work, you might say:

    “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to take your call. Unless it’s an emergency, I do not work after 7 p.m. or on weekends.”

    In order to reach your goals you have to build some fences to guard and protect yourself so you can grow. This means discriminating between the things that help you get there and the things that don’t. Learn to say no to the people, situations, and commitments that do not move you toward your goal, that distract you, or that you simply do not enjoy. Be purposeful in your actions—learn to say no! It’s a powerful little word with a huge impact.

    Camille Preston is founder and CEO of AIM Leadership. She is also author of the e-book, The Rewired Resolution: Eight Ways to Work Smarter, Live Better, and be More Productive.