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求职花样作死大全:简历中那些让人啼笑皆非的错

Anne Fisher 2014年06月13日

招聘经理们不再像以前那么挑剔,但拼写和打印错误依然会给求职者带来不利影响,而“别出心裁”的职位名称也可能让求职者丢分。

    现在,人们都在乐此不疲地发短信和Twitter消息,所以,对于简历中的拼写错误和其他错误,面试官们不再像以往那么苛刻,这是必然趋势。

    有事实为证:人员安置公司Accountemps的最新调查显示,仅有约17%的招聘经理表示,他们会因为简历中的小错误就把它们扔进废纸篓。这个比例较之前明显下降,五年前的比例是40%,而在2006年则为47%。有些招聘经理并不关心你是否会拼写。超过四分之一的受访者表示,他们会忽略三处以内的错误,这个比例比五年前提高了7%。

    尽管如此,仔细校对自己的简历,或找一位对拼写一丝不苟的朋友看一遍简历,依然是明智的做法。接受调查的招聘经理中,约有三分之二(64%)表示,即使简历中只出现了一处错误,他们也会带着怀疑的眼光去审视求职者。

    Accountemps董事长马克思•迈斯玛说:“大多数工作都要求对细节的关注,简历应该展示这项技能,而不是相反。”他认为“如今快速随意的沟通方式”是造成下列简历错误增多的罪魁祸首:

    “我上一位雇主无缘无故就把我炸(炒)了”

    “我将于今年五岳(五月)毕业。”

    “我正在寻求重大的自我土坡(突破)。”

    “若有需要,可联系退件人(推荐人)。”

    “从我的作品中,能够明线(明显)看出我的才能。”

    “目标:在会计行业实现卓悦(卓越)。”

    “我的三大(四大)业余爱好分别是汽车、高尔夫、壁球和阅读。”

    “工作经验:学术道士(导师)。”

    “取得了一家享有剩余(声誉)的学院颁发的文凭。”

    “地心(底薪)要求40,000美元。”

    “曾学习公馆(公关)。”

    “虽然没有职业经验,但我付出了自己的奴隶(努力)。”

    “若有深入研究项目,请急的(记得)联系我。”

    真是惨不忍睹。在进行拼写检查时,Accountemps最近的另外一项调查还建议,求职者应该重新考虑简历中列出的那些“别出心裁”的职位名称。以下是那些让招聘经理抓狂的职位名称示例:

    网页编程认证禅师

    客户经理/稳如泰山的办公室艾迪

    技术泰迪熊

    创意巫师

    活力充沛的改变因子

    客户服务魔法师

    高级数豆人

    设计忍者

    研究显示,这些职位“并不聪明,而是让求职者显得外行”,但避免这样的职务名称,还有另外一个更有说服力的理由。可搜索数据库或软件在筛选求职者和将求职者与职位空缺匹配时,往往无法识别这些另类职位。因此,为吸引雇主眼球自行设计的“别出心裁的”职位反而会让阻碍你从众多求职者中突显出来。(财富中文网)

    译者:刘进龙/汪皓

    It was bound to happen, now that millions of us are merrily texting and tweeting away. Job interviewers have become more tolerant of spelling mistakes and other errors on resumes than they used to be.

    Consider: Only about 17% of hiring managers say they would toss a resume in the circular file if it had a single snafu in it, according to a new poll from staffing firm Accountemps. That’s a sharp drop from 40% who said they would five years ago, and 47% who said so in 2006. Some managers really don’t care whether you can spell or not. More than a quarter (27%) said they’d overlook three mistakes, up from just 7% five years ago.

    Even so, it’s smart to proofread your CV carefully, or have a friend who’s a stickler for spelling take a look at it. Almost two-thirds (64%) of the hiring managers polled said they’d look askance at a candidate who let even a single mistake slip through.

    “Attention to detail is required for most jobs, and a resume should showcase this skill, not detract from it,” notes Accountemps Chairman Max Messmer. He blames “the quick and casual nature of communication today” for the recent rise in resume blunders like these:

    “My last employer fried me for no reason.”

    “I am graduating this Maybe.”

    “I am looking for my big brake.”

    “Referees available upon request.”

    “My talent will be very a parent when you see me work.”

    “Objective: To accell in the accounting industry.”

    “My 3 biggest hobbies are cars, golf, racquetball, and reading.”

    “Work experience: Academic tudor.”

    “Earned a diploma from a very repudiated college.”

    “Looking for a bass salary of $40,000.”

    “Studied public rations.”

    “No professional experience, but I have paid my do’s.”

    “Bare me in mind for in-depth research projects.”

    Ouch. While you’re double-checking for spelling, another recent Accountemps poll suggests that you rethink any “creative” job titles listed on your resume. Here’s a sampling of some that have made hiring managers cringe:

    Certified Zen Master of Web Programming

    Account manager/Steady Eddie of the office

    Technological Teddy Bear

    The Idea Wizard

    Energetic Agent of Change

    Customer Service Magician

    High-level bean counter

    Design ninja

    These come across as “more amateurish than clever,” the study says, but there’s an even more compelling reason to avoid them. Non-traditional titles usually can’t be recognized by searchable databases or by software that screens candidates and matches them to job openings. So a “creative” title, intended to grab employers’ attention, is likely to make you invisible instead.

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