千奇百怪的翘班高招

    夏天假期已经悄悄过去，寒冷难耐、流感横行的冬天即将来临。盘点人们形形色色的请假理由，现在正是时候。

    当然，但凡理智的老板都不会期望所有员工的出勤率都保持在100%。这是不现实的。我有没有说过我曾经被狗绊了一跤，结果去急诊室缝了17针？这样的糗事我当然不会声张了，谁愿意主动承认在自己家里还会被狗绊倒摔一跤呢？

    既然说到这个问题，还有一件事：谁敢说自己不会每隔一段时间就会有一天精神恍惚？如果真有这样的人，那他肯定非常恐怖，不会有人愿意与他打交道。更别提一起共事了。

    所以，对于请假我们都非常理解。但凡事总有限度。

    但事实果真如此吗？最近，求职网站凯业必达（CareerBuilder）对2,696名人力资源经理和4,384名全球员工进行了调查，征询他们听说的、见过的或者自己用过的“最不同凡响”的缺勤理由。调查人员得到了一些有趣的答案。比如：

    员工：

    • 从床上掉下来，摔破了鼻子

    • 感染了“狗流感”

    • 参加派对吃得太多，吃坏了肚子

    • 不小心喝了防冻液，不得不去医院就医

    • 捉海狸的时候伤到了背部

    • 脚趾头被排气孔给卡住了

    • 疯狂赶场参加旧货交易，结果导致头痛

    而有一些缺勤者给出的理由更是匪夷所思：

    • 蝙蝠钻进了头发

    • 冰箱倒了，砸在身上

    • 一只装满水的水桶砸破保龄球馆的屋顶，恰好又砸在自己的头上

    • 打猎时被一只鹿咬伤了

    • 宠物仓鼠要产崽，整个过程让人恶心不已，于是，她（员工本人，而不是仓鼠）晕了过去。

    当然，如果对请假理由进行评奖的话，大奖非一位大厨莫属。他在一家著名的餐厅担任副厨师长，这家餐厅生意火爆，而且给他的待遇也十分丰厚。他的老板说：“他称自己之前就有过敏症，只不过一直没有跟我们透露。”

    原来这位大厨对许多食物过敏，于是在用完了所有带薪病假和假期之后，他“终于找了一份不需要跟食物打交道的工作。”

    好吧。许多厨师都不碰食物（这是后厨的规矩 ：由下属负责切洋葱和清洗炒锅之类的杂活）。但我还是不明白：谁会不小心喝防冻液呢？会不会是那个猎鹿人一直等着那只鹿走过来咬他？

    我倒想听听他们的解释。

    译者：阿龙/汪皓

    Now that summer vacation season is just a memory, and winter cold-and-flu season is looming, it's a good time to contemplate people's reasons for calling in to say that they are just not planning to show up.

    Of course, no sane manager expects 100% attendance from everybody all the time. Life doesn't work that way. Have I ever told you about the time I tripped over my dog and had to go to the emergency room to get 17 stitches? No? Well, of course not. Who wants to admit to being unable to navigate a room without tripping over a dog?

    And while we're on this thread, here's another thing: Who doesn't take a mental-health day every once in a while? Answer (you know it): A really scary person you would not want to be around. Or work for.

    We get it. Really. But there are limits.

    Or are there? Job site CareerBuilder recently asked 2,696 human resources managers and 4,384 full-time employees for the "most unusual" reasons for absence that they had heard, seen, or perpetrated. The researchers got some intriguing answers. Here are a few:

    The employee:

    • Fell out of bed and broke his nose

    • Caught a cold from a puppy

    • Got sick from eating too much at a party

    • Had to go to the hospital after accidentally drinking antifreeze

    • Hurt his back chasing a beaver

    • Got his toe caught in a vent cover

    • Developed a headache from attending too many garage sales

    There is a special category for absentees that were victims of peculiar accidents:

    • Bats got into the employee's hair.

    • A refrigerator fell on the employee.

    • A bucket filled with water crashed through the ceiling of a bowling alley and hit the employee on the head.

    • A deer bit the employee while he was hunting.

    • While the employee's hamster was giving birth, she was so sickened by the process that she (the employee, not the hamster) passed out.

    If there were a prize, it would have to go to a chef who, in his lucrative job as second-in-command in the kitchen of a prestigious high-volume restaurant, "had pre-existing allergies he chose not to disclose to us," said the person who hired him.

    The fellow was allergic, it turned out, to so many different comestibles that, after all his paid sick days and vacation were used up, he "ultimately was moved to a role where he didn't touch food."

    Okay. Plenty of chefs don't touch food (they conceptualize: their minions mince the shallots and deglaze the saucepans), but I still have one niggling question: Who accidentally drinks antifreeze? Could it have been the deer hunter who let the deer get close enough to bite him?

    Now, that is a story I would like to hear.