By Stanly Bing

    Have you seen it? Boy! This thing is really the super-coolest, make-you-wanna-droolest gizmological objet d’art around! I’m looking at a picture of one right now. Steve Jobs is holding it, which makes it even more awesome! You can tell that it’s light as air. It’s very flat. It’s got the Apple desktop that we all know and love from our MacBooks and iPhones and iPods and it’s gonna play movies and music and you can read books on it and play games on it and wowsers, I just can’t wait to get one.

    I was the first on the block to get a Nomad back in the 1990s, a toy from Creative Labs that had, like, 6 Megs of storage and held hundreds of tunes. It didn’t really work very well unless it was sitting on a level table, but the whole idea of having music digitally stored? Awesome! Gotta get me one!

    I was the first on the block to get a digital camera, too. It was great. It had 64K of storage and took itty bitty pictures that looked like they’d been through a washing machine, but I saw where the whole thing was headed and here we are today with cameras whose images can be blown up to poster size with no noise or vignettes whatsoever! If you know what I’m talking about then you know what I’m talkin’ about.

    I had the first generation iPod and the second generation iPod and the third generation iPod and lo unto all the generations of iPods, including the touch screen, but not the iPhone, because so far I don’t really want the iPhone, because of my BlackBerry. I’m true to my BlackBerry but the moment I leave business I’m going to get me an iPhone. In fact, most of the guys I know who are either unemployed or retired have them. In fact, I associate iPhones with being unemployed, under-employed or retired. So I don’t have one yet. But I’m going to want one, I promise!

    And now here comes the ultimate thang that you have to want because in a way it just might cancel out all others and come to dominate our lives so that we never need to be home ever again! We can just wander around receiving content from all over the place and never want for anything stimulating as long as we’re holding a charge! Best of all, did you hear it’s going to save newspapers and music companies and magazines and movie studios and television producers and everybody in the world who needs saving in this new digital environment? I love that! Nobody will ever want for anything again and all industries will be saved by this one masterful stroke!

    A new day is dawning! Thank you, Apple! Thank you, Steve! When can I get mine?!